"hypocritical asshooolism"

Facepalm Lvl: Over 9000

2012-02-03T00:00:00.002+08:00

Urge to blog...rising.

Its much worse when "they" don't want you, even when "they" can be had

When the "someone" in question is popular, it defaults to gospel truth. Deal with it.

Facebook is a magnet for idiots

2012-01-31T10:00:00.002+08:00

Its been slightly under a year since the last post. I have Facebook and all other forms of social media to blame for the dearth of actual literary pieces, which encourages the Y (or is it Z now) Generation to post random bullshit garble status updates which add zero meaning to anybody's existence.

Here are the top 3 most annoying types of FB attention whores who are reducing the oxygen levels on Earth one stupid fucking post at a time:

1. The Holy Shaker
Look, I get it. Some people out there scope their life around their religion. I get that. I think its commendable. I also think they should shut the fuck up. Nobody gives a fuck that you want to thank God Almighty for sunny weather, neither was ever a fuck given that you hope the Lord blesses your sorry ass today. If you actually made something worthwhile of yourself, you wouldn't need to constantly beg for God's blessing because you're damn worthy of His blessings in the first place. You know what I do when I want to talk to God? I pray. I just shut the fuck up, find a quiet place and pray. When I play football and its nice sunny weather, I thank God in my mind and smile. I don't need to televise my fucking faith on Facebook in a pathetic attempt to show everyone that "I'm-so-religious-OMG-I'm-so-blessed". Its like those dickhead bosses who demand everyone in their fucking company pray with them because he's the boss and everyone should conform to him. Jesus puts on earplugs each time one of these fuckers go holy limit break over their religion. You believe in God, fantastic. Keep your faith inside and glorify Him with your prayers & church attendance. The satanic devil-spawns on Facebook don't give a fuck.

2. The Emo Bitch
Once again fueling my contempt for people at large, these cum buckets constantly post emo bullshit fluff every single fucking day, never deviating from the same topic: Unrequited love, hurt & depression. These fucktards post one-liners questioning the value of love, and how their feelings are so important it can cure cancer. Typically, they comprise of stupid bitches who may or may not be 15, but have the mental maturity of a 6 year old. They've been hurt by a guy at some point and now their whole fucking existence hinges on how the male population views them, and hence all their whiny fucking emo tirades in a lousy attempt to let the guy in question see how "broken up" they are. No wonder the guy ran off to some other less whiny slut; his penis couldn't get halfway in before you started naming your babies.

3. The Food Cam-whores
No seriously, your plate of char kway teow looks so fantastic that you need to snap a photo just to put it online? Even worse, your friend's dessert looks so fucking delicious that you forbid everyone from touching their food just so you can find that perfect angle to grab a snapshot, check everyone into that location, and tag every motherfucker known to man just so they can see a picture of a brownie topped with a scoop of vanilla. Unless you're a fat tub of lard, nobody gives a rat's ass about pictures of food on Facebook. Know where I can get really awesome pictures of food? A cookbook. Everyone loves pictures, but mainly pictures of people, especially good looking people such as myself, even more so if its good looking people such as myself doing something stupid in a picture. Or bikinis. Females-in-bikinis. Everyone loves a good picture of girl(s) in bikinis. Or pirates. Not food. Girls think its cute, guys do it because girls think its cute. Its not. Its stupid, its gay. I have to throw rocks at kittens each time I see a picture of food to regain a bit of my manliness back.

Fuck Facebook idiots!

Gamble Ramble

2011-03-27T20:47:00.002+08:00

I like to write. Well technically, I love to rant. Anything that begs an opinion usually results in ample source material to commence bashing a-la prose. Unfortunately, the vargaries of life seldom accord oneself the opportunity to actually sit down and get any serious ranting done.

That said, the only times I find myself sitting in front of my iMac with translating random tidbits of information into something cohesive for publishing on a web backlog (blog if you've never figured it out) is whenever my mood's in a state of flux. What the hell does 'flux' even mean?

I was never that good at expressing myself verbally. Perhaps its the social culture, but technology has evolved to the stage where effective communication is a lost art. When was the last time anyone ever spent any meaningful amount of time speaking with someone about subject matter beyond girls/boys/alcohol/sex/money? We are constantly being kicked in the ass by technology to do everything faster, quicker, more efficiently. Verbal communication is dead as far as its meant as a social interactive medium. Maybe that's why I love to write - there's no pressure for instant communication.

Typing/writing shit out provides the all too often overlooked luxury of delayed response. I get to proofread what I'm saying, with the ability to take back anything I've said as long as the 'Publish' button isn't pressed without penalty. I've often been told that I tend to shoot my mouth off, conveniently bypassing the cranium and sacrificing the chance to perhaps, craft an intelligent response. Verbal communication for me is always one of reaction, often leading to content that may have been better left unsaid. This is when my good friend Hindsight earns his living, and rips me a new asshole.

I haven't blogged for a long time, owing to the usual vagaries of life. Moreso now than ever since I've joined the private sector. Its been a fantastic ride thus far, and it makes me wanna punch myself in the nuts for wasting 1/3 of my life with the Navy. 'Job security' and 'Iron Rice Bowl' are overrated. It may have meant something to the baby boomers 40 years ago, but such terms are now nothing more than outdated human resource lingo that mean squat to a generation chock full of degree holders with frivolous tastes. It was an honor to have a job and make an honest living a few decades ago. These days, consider yourself lucky if your current job doesn't cause you to dread waking up each morning. I wish I were kidding too.

2011-03-14T20:35:00.005+08:00

This was taken at 1847hrs on the way from Raffles Place towards Joo Koon...

I love my fucking life! And I'm not just saying that...

THEN GOT CAR FOR FUCK??!!!

Seriously though..its the first time in my life I genuinely enjoy going to work.

And then I grew up..

2010-07-20T23:10:00.005+08:00

It is oft said that one should always strive to leave behind one's legacy for future generations to appreciate or aspire towards..

Here is my contribution..

From top: PS3, PS2, SNES, Sega Saturn, Gamecube

If you could identify a single non-Sony accessory in the first pic, you need no frivolous hand-holding for this one

Great Redeemer

2010-04-30T17:12:00.003+08:00

After 122 hrs..I can finally declare achieving my 1st ever PS3 platinum, for FFXIII no less. Nevertheless, my (massive) penis size remains unchanged and life keeps to the status quo of sucking-but-not-so-much-that-I'd-rather-be-dead-kind-of way.

Its still nice though.

go watch 'Monga' & thank me later

2010-04-19T23:25:00.003+08:00

If this is not the most awesome thing ever, trolls will come while you sleep and do bad things to you.

103 days & counting..

31 Jul 2010

2010-02-25T11:54:00.006+08:00

As the first post of 2010, what better way to kick off another year of trite banter than a snide article to educate the unwashed heathens within my circle of influence.

I'd like to debunk the common misconception that my family is wealthy, and provide reasonable (seriously) explanations to the contrary that do not attempt to insult the reader's intelligence. If at the end of it all you still insist otherwise, then you've already made up your mind long ago with bias and no amount of convincing would change your mind, logic and reading comprehension notwithstanding.

Misconception 1: I live in a private condo in the prime district
Being a capitalist world, you should realize that housing prices rise & fall with market demand and other undefinable economic factors that retards with MBAs keep trying to predict and rationalize. We went in and bought low when everyone else was busy putting their money into fixed deposits. Simple logic. Looking at the prices you probably paid for your built-to-order HDB flat, who the hell are you to call me rich?

Misconception 2: I own personal transport
If this was in the 80s - 90s, I'd agree only the wealthy would be able to afford personal transport at my current age. Again, market forces. Look it up if you can't grasp this concept. Did you know my 2.0L Accord costs less than your 1.8L Civic because of time & space? COE was cheap, car demand was down, prices were in the shitter. Again, a no-brainer. Did I also mention that my petrol is all half priced cuz its from across the causeway? How many of you have the patience or time to do that on a weekly basis? Nobody? Can I claim you're actually more wealthy than I am? Since your time is more valuable than mine?

Misconception 3: I buy plenty of expensive original game software/toys
Did you also know I hardly spend money on anything else? I don't buy Boss shirts or Pedro shoes. I cut my hair at QB house and my wardrobe comprises mainly of 'old' generic brand clothes that are over 5 years old. LV to me means Levis, and I sure as hell won't spend $500 on a pair of what's-that-brand jeans. I won't even mention the fact that practically every girl out can easily spend hundreds on makeup that lasts a few months before replenishment is necessary. Remember when Coach and Kate Spade were luxury brands? Know any females these days who do not own at least one or ten of these merchandise? Let's not even go near shoes. My gaming collection has lasted me for over 2 decades in comparison, and I buy perhaps 10 games and 3 toys per year on average. In math terms that's $1k for 365 DAYS to support my spending habit. Beat that.

Misconception 4: I own a phone that costs over $1k with hardly any features
And this very same phone will last a good decade before I've any urge to change, just like my previous 8850. I'm willing to pay such a price because I love the phone aesthetics and will not get tired of it, ever. Try telling me the same thing with your iPhone in a couple of years. My mobile plan expired years ago unlike majority of you who can barely clock 21 months before getting the next in-fashion phone. Do the math, the average person spends just as much on phones over the years as I do. Also, I use my phone for calling & sms period. I don't need to surf the net or check my email. I have a perfectly good computer at home to do that. I don't even need a bloody camera although the Luna 8600 does come with one.

Misconception 5: I work for fun because I can always ask my parents for money
I'm not serious about my current job because I loathe it, am on bond, have wanted to leave since 4 years back, and will be leaving later this year. While I do wish my parents were so rich that I could just live off them my entire life because I've no backbone and damn hell proud of it, I can't because *surprise* my parents can't afford it. My dad continues to work hard even though he wants to retire because my family isn't completely financially free. Like a lot of other families out there, there is a high chance we'll have to downgrade to a HDB flat once he retires JUST so my parents will have enough cash to live out their lives. So much for being 'wealthy' eh?

Misconception 6: I am high class with expensive tastes
Where the hell did this come from? My main pastimes are playing video games and soccer, the former I've already clarified and latter the national hobby. In most cases, soccer is free and only investment required is some sportswear and shoes. Hardly anything that could even be remotely construed as expensive. Benchmarking against a typical young executive's lifestyle (nightlife, traveling, entertainment), I live like a freaking monk by comparison. Yes, I like expensive cars and equipment and envy the high life but that's just it. I don't live pretentiously nor try to impress upon anyone that my social status is higher than what it actually is. What I like doesn't equate to the ability to own it. Who doesn't want to own a fancy (in your own terms) car? Who actually owns one? Neither do I.

Misconception 7: I'm a brat because my parents had the money to get me whatever I wanted

Totally agree with the brat portion. But that has nothing to do with money. I want things to comply to my standards because (usually) my methods of doing things are the most practically efficient though hardly ever politically correct. I'm goal driven and want to get things done, not hand out silver platters to every yahoo who can dial my number. I'm impatient with people because I often need to make concessions for them that almost always involves inconveniencing myself or cause me financial loss. Being generous and helpful isn't an issue if it MAKES SENSE to do so. I'd be happy to drive across the island to pick someone up because he's handicapped than to take a 2 minute walk to the canteen to do someone a favor to buy them coffee. I'm different that way, but its completely unrelated to how much I've got in my bank account, which is not much. If it matters, I seldom got the toys I wanted as a kid unless it was meant as a reward or occasion.

So in totality, my net expenditure doesn't really differ much from the average person. Where I spend more, others spend less and vice versa. The only reason why people seem to *think* I'm rich is because the stuff I buy are usually expensive and constantly visible, although bloody durable. I seldom have to change or replace any of my big ticket purchases. Comparatively, the typical 20-something owns considerably less tangible assets but his 'invisible' intangibles make up for it. I use my money to buy things. You use your money to buy lifestyle. Hence, what I'm implying is if you think I'm wealthy, there's a 100% chance you're just as well off as I am. So next time you have the urge to label me 'rich', please remember you're probably being a hypocrite. "Pot call Kettle black" yada yada.

2009-12-22T23:16:00.002+08:00

In case anybody cares, here is what's going down with Starhub & its historic loss of the BPL rights.

Good luck to Starhub, the only way they're gonna recover from this fiasco is to provide nekkid programming, i.e. stuff that would actually make a difference.

PlayboyTV would be a good launching point. I can always dream can I?

Yeah, FUCK YOU SingTel and FUCK your goddamn m|o TV. Nobody ever asked you to enter into competition, much less with infrastructure that can't even begin to compete on fair ground.

And just to ensure a bit of objectivity & fairness, Terry Clontz (current Starhub bigwig) should get his genitials smashed with bricks. Answering questions with motherhood statements is about as useful as a torn condom. If consumers actually gave a fuck how much they had to pay for their Sports channels, they'd be a lot more vocal yesiree. If you had to bid ONE FUCKING BILLION DOLLARS for the rights and as a result transferred the costs via higher subscription fees, so be it. AT LEAST WE GET A CHOICE TO GET ASSREAMED BY STARHUB OR FORGO THE CHANNELS. Losing them rights means we get our bungholes ripped open by SingTel AND forgo the BPL concurrently. Talk about X'mas promotion...

Dickheads!

pimp my room

2009-10-19T00:48:00.005+08:00

limpei's Room Entertainment System is finally complete! after staggered buys starting with the original PS3, it finally culminates with the purchase of a full audio system setup. to the untrained, what this means is that gaming can now be enjoyed in Full HD with TrueHD 5.1 surround audio. =)

pretty effin' sweet considering it took me a good 2.5 years to get the entire setup going..

this is the Marantz NR1501 audio video receiver, one of the first 'slimline' AVRs on the market. traditional AVRs from Onkyo, Denon, Yamaha etc have always been big chunky beasts around the size of a typical computer hard drive. this slimline version is not only aesthetically pleasing, but saves a hell a lot of space since its not much bigger than a standard DVD player.

basically, this is the heart of the entire audio setup. every mother son device gets jacked into this while it outputs to the HDTV and speakers. even more awesome that this AVR auto upconverts video signals into semi-HD signals, meaning for the first time in my life i can get clear pictures out of the standard starhub box on a HDTV.

as of now, the PS3, PS2, Gamecube, Saturn, SNES, DVD, Starhub and the speakers/woofer are all managed by this 1 device. sweet!

complementing the Marantz are a 5.1 set of Boston Acoustic speakers (front left, center, front right, rear left, rear right, subwoofer). i'm no audiophile so i can't make any intelligent comments about them other than they're made of wood (as opposed to plastic) which is supposed to be better and the subwoofer is so bloody powerful that its entire 14 kg body vibrates out of place about the floor whenever anything with deep bass gets played. the whole room seems to rumble as well..i think its this stupid physics term called 'resonance'

all in all, i'm pretty much satisfied with the final product and overall integration with all other devices. one gripe that really bugs the hell outta me though, is this bloody goddamn delay when outputting audio. on the PS3, the picture appears of the TV first followed by the audio another 1-2 secs later. low level research leads to me believe this is caused by the HDMI connections, since unlike the traditional composite/component signals, HDMI signals are like high class social escorts that need to be pampered first before they become the prostitutes they are. in simple terms, the delay is caused by HDMI transmission signals.

in any case, whoever wants to know the aural awesomness of surround sound japanese AV can apply through me. be warned though, the whole block would probably know what's being played =/

ROCK!!!!

major post coming this Fall..

2009-10-15T23:02:00.003+08:00

forgive the grainy image..there's only so much a camera phone can achieve. i'm of the notion that camera phones are one of the most useless innovations of the 21st century that gets blindly embraced by the public as if it were reusable condoms (still holding out for that one!) if i'd wanted to take a picture, that's what my bloody digital camera's for.

that said, what kind of effin' jerkwad would use this kind of shit? update: i couldn't be bothered looking for a pic of the new camera enabled iPod nano. seriously, who the fuck needs this??

the rant on camera phones is better left to a subsequent time since i've got a bowl of noodles awaiting consumption. the important thing now is to appreciate he awesome-ness of cum inducing 1986 retro Transformers in HD glory.

Shia Lebarf can suck my ass and Megan Fox can lick it..nothing beats the original Fight! Super Robot Life!

the Nintendo kid

2009-10-13T22:14:00.003+08:00

..ok well this hardly qualifies as a Nintendo game..but you gotta admit this setup is frickin' awesome!! and no its not running on an emulator..

bonus points for anyone who spotted Ryo (Shenmue) in the background =D

Singaporeans..

2009-09-28T11:49:00.004+08:00

..are disgusting.

And I'm not referring to the usual ungracious behavoir (littering, fake-sleep-to-avoid-giving-up-seat-to-elderly etc) or typical self-righteous higher-than-thou bullshit.

Let's talk about something closer to home: GIRLS! And those of the pageant winning variety.

Little Ms Credit-Card-Fraud Ris Low has been churning headlines recently with her less than commendable exploits that bring into question her character slash values. Then there's the whole issue can't-speak-for-shit Engrish where she uses awesome verbal diarrhoea like 'Boomz' while parading around in a 'bi-gee-ni' (bikini). And motherfucking Singaporeans are going apeshit having a field day deriding her and questioning all forms of gods how such an atrocity can ever represent Singapore on the world stage.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

I hate assholes who couldn't string a goddamn sentence together if the fate of their genitials depended on it just as much as the next guy. Trying to understand them is like being in a Vietnamese market (or NUS SRC on Saturday evenings), all you hear are pots & pans clanging. Shoving my fist down their throats would be a community service to everyone, and I won't even demand recognition or gratitude.

However, whining on about Ris Low only solidifies my opinion why most Singaporeans should be barred from accessing the internet permanently. While the economy is in a recession and ERP gantries are sprouting up randomly, these retards are spending man-effort whaling on a fucking 19 year old with delinquency issues and a speech impediment.

HELLO!!!

Stop being a 2-faced son of a bitch and ask yourself why the hell you tune in to beauty pageants in the first place. Hell, why is it even called a BEAUTY pageant in the first fucking place? Yeah, I'm positive the lot of you are looking for interllectual stimulation while watching hot bodies jaunt around in little 2-pieces. More like self-stimulation. S-Factor got a shitstorm of crap for netizens and the media on being brain dead and sexist, and its ratings still kicked the ass out of National Science Challenge 200X. I seriously wonder why...

Beauty pageants (being BEAUTY-FUCKING-PAGEANTS) are nothing more than avenues for pretty young things to use as a platform to secure a cover spread on Singapore FHM, ambassador for children rights be damned. I couldn't care less what the judges or contestants feel about the role or integrity of a beauty pageant is but to a consumer sitting in front of the TV, pageants are simply glorified eye porn, where you have BOTH hands to yourself while a professional cameraman does all the necessary zooming and panning.

Don't believe me?

Ms Nuraliza Osman, winner Miss Singapore Universe 2002 redefined the word 'flaccid' when she beat all other contestants. Singaporeans were apalled that someone who looked so plain would beat out so many other much hotter jaibait. Of course, the pre-requisite "How can such a plain looking person represent Singapore?" made its necessary rounds on the media too.

Here was a brilliant young lady, poised with impeccable English and impressive credentials behind her (think she's like some big fuck lawyer or something), who gave one of the best answers (so I've heard) ever in the final round of interviews. Judges were floored, Singaporeans were nodding their heads in amazement at her answer while the then hot favorite Callie Sui Yong gave some retarded answer about nasi lemak.

And there we were with our pitchforks and torches ready to chop our balls off at this atrocity.

When Jessica Tan was crowned Ms SU 2007, everyone seemed happy. Here was someone that had the looks with a brain to (almost) match. Then the controversy (no not her rich pilot bf) over what she would wear at the Miss Universe came up. Once again, we went on a witchhunt simply because the designer of her national dress was some young unproven designer. Naturally, "How can we allow someone inexperienced to design a dress for Ms Jessica Tan to be worn on the world stage?" would sound familiar to most of you.

Singaporeans are just attention whores with too much free time on their hands who believe that every goddamn thing in the world owes them an anwer. Does it really fucking matter if Ris Low couldn't speak good English to save her life? Is her persona any different now than if she had not engaged in illegal shenanigans? Most imporantly, is she bloody hot enough to qualify as a worthy contestant in a BEAUTY pageant? Would you feel better if the Singapore rep hands down beat the reps from other nations in the looks dept or some butt ugly mandark who could give responses that would put the Queen to shame?

Want Cheap, Want Good, Want Everything reminds me of a certain organization I know of.

Tall, pretty, slender, stupid = fail

Pretty, slender, smart, short = fail

Tall, pretty, smart, slightly plump = major fail

Tall, smart, slender, plain looking = total fail

Tall, smart, slender, pretty, no breasts = EPIC FAIL

Piracy sucks balls

2009-07-02T22:54:00.004+08:00

With H1N1 rampant among the weak & unhealthy, what better way to safeguard yourself than to stay at home with Mario and Cloud?

There are 7 game consoles hooked up right now in my room alone, from the original NES to the current gen PS3.

Including the spare systems and portable devices would round that number up to 15. Shared among these 15 systems are close to 200+ games, roughly 50 of which I have never played before.

I blame this on piracy. When a bootleg copy costs $2, its hard not to amass a whole collection and inadvertently never touch about half of them.

On all moral accounts piracy should be a bad thing, as cinema pre-screening adverts would have you know. However, there is no denying that piracy opens up the gaming hobby to the masses. Paying upwards of $60 for a typical console game isn't a big deal neither is it unaffordable. Seriously its not. A typical Friday night at Butter Factory would easily set you back double that amount. However, to borrow the economics term, the 'economies of scale' for most games are somewhere between pathetic and retardedly pathetic.

For most games, playing it to completion once would seldom warrant a 2nd playthrough unless the game is REALLY good. A 3rd playthrough however, is reserved only for those few holy grails that reach 'classic' status. Plowing through through a game once would eat away anywhere between 5 to 50 hours of your life depending on genre. The median duration would be about 10-15 hours. Paying $60 for a gaming experience lasting 15 hours isn't the best use of money. A further slap to the face considering most people only achieve 60% completion of their software library.

Consider a high end console like the PS3 that costs $600. Amassing a software library of 10 games would amount to getting another console. In a typical console life, the average gamer would end up with 15 games for each system, then its on to the next newest next gen system where the cycle repeats itself perennially.

No wonder piracy is rampant here. Even when adopting the moral high ground, it does not make economical sense whatsoever to drop that kind of money to support originals. Of course, along with piracy comes the birth of the casual gamer; the type that owns folders upon folders of pirated games and has every single version of Winning Eleven released that same year. My opinions of such individuals is best left to another, more vulgar article.

However, the silver lining with original games is the perceived high intrinsic value of every single game. If I pay $60 for a game, I would under any circumstance attempt to finish the game at least once, even should the gameplay be similar to sound recordings of nails on chalkboard. In fact, its not uncommon to coerce oneself to eventually grow fond of the gameplay by toughing it through in an attempt to justify the purchase.

To date, hackers have yet to crack open the PS3 coding to allow for bootleg gaming. For this I am extremely grateful. This forces me to make informed software purchases and ensures that I complete every single game at least once. Gone are the days where any game with an interesting sounding title is immediately added to my folders of DVD-Rs.

I'm proud to report that I have completed every single PS3 game I've owned at least once; most twice, and have sold or traded away subsequently. An added achievement considering this is the very first time I've ever play through every game on a console. The PS3 may be one of the most expensive consoles I've ever built, but the 'economies of scale' for this console have been reaped barely 2 years into is shelf life.

Completed:

MGS4

GTA4

SF4

COD4: Modern Warfare

Assassin's Creed

Prototype

InFamous

Burnout Paradise

Stuntman Ignition

Fifa Street 3

Ridge Racer 7

Rainbow 6 Vegas

Rainbow 6 Vegas 2

Everybody's Golf 5

Resistance Fall of Man

Resistance 2

Killzone 2

Penny Arcade Adventures Episode 1

Penny Arcade Adventures Episode 2

SF2 HD Remix

As a comparison, most of the games I've completed on the PS1 and 2 comprise of the words 'Final' and 'Fantasy'. Not bad...considering the PS3 has yet to receive all the eventual RPG juggernaut blockbusters.

TERMINATOR STYLE

2009-06-17T17:11:00.004+08:00

upthelorry is back...and with vengeance written all over it..

short story...its back!
long story...not important

hopefully i continue delivering entries of high quality written literature that provokes thinking..(or at least provoke)

thanks for your continued support.

think getting rojak poison is bad??

2009-04-10T17:06:00.002+08:00

Taken from the CL7A's driver's seat

i really, really, REALLY HATE tuas...

WORD!

2009-04-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

SATSUGAI! SATSUGAI-SE-YOOOOO!!!!!

2009-03-27T15:01:00.002+08:00

Random things I used to do in the 80s & 90s..

1. Create personalised wrestling championship belts and duke it out in the void deck
2. Turtle pulling in the swimming pool
3. Wrestling in the swimming pool
4. Playing those Dragonball Z card machines hoping to strke a 'gold card'
5. Tamiya car zhnging
6. Tamiya car racing
7. Having garage sales to sell off old & useless crap
8. Randomly taking buses to nowhere
9. Going to AMK arcade to play 'The Avengers' co-op
10. Arranging huge toy battles with the TMNT sewer system playset, GI Joes, Exo-Squad, Sky Commanders, Dragonball and TMNT figurines
11. Going to my best friend's place to play his Super Nintendo
12. Reading Marvel comics (Maximum Carnage)
13. Reading "cheng shi man hua" for the weekly Dragonball Z updates. (Cell saga where Gohan goes SSJ2 remains the most poignant)
14. Using codes (up X down B L Y R A) to use SSJ Goku & Broly in Shin Botuden 2
15. Playing Street Fighter II in the arcades
16. Playing truant to go Serangoon Central to play Neo Geo Art of Fighting
17. Going to Chinatown Point to buy Calvin & Hobbes treasuries
18. Going to my classmate's dad's office to look for him to go Chinatown Point
19. Watching cartoons every single day of the week
20. Going to 'Games Mart' in Orchard MRT Popular
21. Working at 'Games Mart' in Orchard MRT Popular during my long summer breaks
22. Playing lots of KOF with the 'Games Mart' regulars
23. Staring at the original Lego pirate ships that cost an effin' bomb
24. Playing Final Fantasy II for the first time wondering what the hell an RPG was
25. Watching my best friend play Final Fantasy III (moogles!) for the first time
26. Using 'Autocrossbow' for Edgar in Final Fantasy III to rape enemies early in the game
27. Leveling up in the dinosaur forest in the World of Ruin to fight the Brachosaurus in attempts to get the fabled 'Economizer' in Final Fantasy III
28. Watching Hulk Hogan fight the Ultimate Warrior
29. Going to Serangoon Central to get diskette games for the Super Nintendo (only $5 bucks per diskette!)
30. Throwing stuff out the window at home for fun hoping to hit those construction workers
31. Climbing the obstacle course in the playground
32. Watching 'Zui Hou Yi Ge Da Xia' "The last big prawn" on SBC channel 8
33. Watching 'The Ra-Ra Show'
34. Going to Game Galaxy in Marina Square to look at Super Nintendo games
35. Going to a friend's place to play Nintendo and Sega Megadrive
36. Bare Kunckle co-op
37. Super Shinobi
38. Playing 'detective' complete with overcoat and beretta
39. Looking all around the bloody island for my friend's 'Maximum Carnage' Super Nintendo game limited edition red game pak
40. Staying over at my best friend's place talking shit late into the night
41. Playing ping pong in school (not with paddles but just throwing the ping pong ball to and fro; those with higher level skills even can make the ball go 'TIAK!' when thrown)
42. Golden Axe co-op on Sega Megadrive
43. Super Sidekicks 2 in the arcade
44. Having McDonalds birthday party complete with party hats
45. Playing 'catching' in school (play with life!)
46. Pulling the chairs out from under my classmate sitting in front of me
47. Standing in front of the class holding my school bag over my head
48. Playing soccer at random grass patches near school
49. Going Thomson Yaohan toys section to look at Mask & Transformers
50. Throwing tantrums when I didn't get any new toys
51. Plucking the white stuff from pussywillows during CNY and getting beaten up
52. Going to NYJC near my house to play with my remote control car
53. My 'blue car'
54. Taking small change from my parent's room to buy Jack n Jill potato chips
55. Ice-koleong
56. 20c teddy bear ice cream
57. 40c Jolly Lolly
58. $1 chocolate space cone (the ultimate treat)
59. Toro-Toro, Ding Dang and Kaka
60. Going Bishan Junction 8 to hang out at MOS Burger
61. Writing chinese compositions using Hokkien vulgarities as my characters' names
62. Leaving a tail of long hair in the front while cutting the rest
63. Center parting
64. Ocean Pacific wallets (with metal plates on the front)
65. JPG wallets
66. Bata canvas shoes
67. Being a super fussy eater refusing to eat anything that wasn't western in nature
68. Completing the Star Road in Super Mario World
69. Super Soaker wars
70. Getting $100 stolen in the AMK arcase
71. Dropping $250 on the bus and spending the whole day tracking the bus in futility
72. Playing original Gameboy Super Mario Land
73. Watching movies at Yishun 10 for $6
74. Going bowling at AMK
75. Having a crush on the Bionic Six woman
77. Watching Seasame Street (1-2-3-4-5...6-7-8-9-10...12 doo doo doo doo..)
78. Thinking cartoons like He-Man, Bravestarr and Captain Planet were stupid crap
79. Watching Disney cartoons (Duck Tales, Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers, Talespin, Darkwing Duck, Gummi Bears)
80. Watching random cartoons (Garfield & friends; Heathcliff, Dennis the Menance, Denver the last dinosaur, Jem & the Holograms,)
81. Watching REAL cartoons (MASK, Transformers, StarCom, ExoSquad, TMNT, Snorks, Centurions, Silverhawks..)
82. Watching gay cartoons (Carebears, Smurfs, My Little Pony)
83. Mighty Max vs Polly Pocket
84. Watching Qing Chun 1-2-3, Crime & Passion, Hong Tou Jin, Zao An Lao Shi
85. Being impressed with adverts for Thunderhawk, Switchblade, Rhino, Manta, Firecracker, Firefly, Slingshot, Goliath, Buzzard, Volcano...
86. Kopi-o...kopi-o he yi bei nong nong de kopi-o...
87. Doing a special finish in Art of Fighting to blow off King's top to reveal her bra
88. Using Starman in some unknown wrestling Nintendo game
89. Playing Pinball on the Nintendo with my dad
90. Buying CD singles (wtf man...)
91. Go to the Serangoon market to buy tau huey
92. Trading DragonBall Z gold cards
93. Getting horny when Bulma was drawn naked in Dragonball book 1
94. Playing deathmatch in Super Mario Kart
95. The ^&%@(# Rainbow Road in Super Mario Kart
96. Going to the Far East underground arcade to play KOF95
97. Randomly buying Super Nintendo games upon entering a game store
98.Talking about gangs and hoot-ing people
99. Wanting to buy the Tamiya Avante but ending up with the Terrascorcher
100. Wanting to buy the Hyper Dash motor but settling for the Hyper Mini

Some random things I used to do in the best decade & a half of ALL time. Wasn't as tough as you may imagine to come up with a 100 pointers

I really miss my childhood..

famous last words..

2009-01-01T23:33:00.002+08:00

came across this interesting article in a mailer today..good read for gymaholics..

Merry X'mas & Happy New Year everyone!!1!

yep i ain't dead yet...

2008-12-17T23:51:00.003+08:00

its fun to do stuff like this..

i have a face that scares children..

2008-09-28T00:08:00.001+08:00

kids love me...!!

bite the bullet & buy the integra MORON!!!

2008-08-30T12:06:00.003+08:00

weird thing is...i like to write about stuff that's interesting.

even weirder is whenever i get on the keyboard..my mind draws a blank.

you know that feeling where you've got loads of shit to crap about but yet when the opportunity arises to finally pen down all your thoughts you can't think of anything interesting to even bitch about...? this is one of those times..

*lightbulb*

just remembered..the new foglights i got installed a couple weeks back...seems like the CL7A seems to have a knack of getting its foggies smashfucked. its barely a month since i dropped a couple hundred to get my foggies changed and now there're 2 awesome wicked cracks streaked across each foglight...

....simply incredible stuff.

looking back when i was still using the previous piece of shit corolla, i never did give a damn about maintaining it or dolling it up; and yet in the 2 years i had a toyota forced down my throat, the blue workhorse never gave me any problems whatsoever...

ironically, now when i do finally give a shit about the ride i'm using and take the time & effort to do it up nicely, it gives me a shitload of recurrent problems....i've since switched rides for a year & a half, and even up till now the goddamn car hasn't even reached equilibrium yet; i.e i'm alr done with all the little mods and just wanna USE THE FUCKING CAR but some asswipe problem would magically resurface each time i think i've reached 'mod equilibrium'.

pua ji bai!!

sometimes i just wanna slap my mom for not being conversant with a stick shift....

YOU COST ME A CL7R WOMAN!!!!!
i could have actually been driving an actual Type R....*sobs*

muacks

2008-07-21T22:04:00.003+08:00

thought for the day:

is it better to be attractive & shy or unattractive with a glib tongue?

*ah beng emerging*

up yours..

2008-07-11T01:31:00.002+08:00

amen to that...i hate fucking birds!!

"kept you waiting huh..?"

2008-07-07T20:53:00.004+08:00

wondering why there's been such a gap between updates..?

that's why...

now why the hell are you still even reading??

go buy a PS3 and Metal Gear Solid 4 NOW!!

who da man?!

2008-05-26T23:49:00.004+08:00

totally awesome...i kinda got bored today and decided to screw around online with various permutations of my name to see what the cyberworld could offer in terms of 'Eugene Kang'

full name: Kang Choon Hiong, Eugene

http://www.eugene.com/ - some lame website about Eugene, Oregon. whole damn placed named as a homage to me

http://www.eugene.net/ gave me some bullshit about it being created by some other website

http://www.eugenekang.com/ - shit..i wasn't expecting this to link to a live working website. apparently owned and run by some asian dipshit named Eugene Kang as well. naturally hardly as good looking as the original

http://www.kch.com/ - european hospital website (Kosciusko Community Hospital)

http://www.kang.com/ - corporate website for Karen Kang consultancy. note to self: name any non-male children 'Karen'

Online search engine with 'Eugene Kang' (first result)

Google: www.ntu.edu.sg/home/ASLKang - holy shit..i'm from ntu but this fella definitely isn't me. some Prof with NBS apparently. good choice in faculty though...

Lycos: http://arborupdate.com/article/930/vote-eugene-kang-today - Eugene Kang apparently lost some kind of election by a slight margin. my guess is probably some student council garbage

Online search engine with 'Kang Choon Hiong' (first result)

Google: http://www.facebook.com/people/Kang_Choon_Hong/557906077 - who the fuck is this?! i don't even have a facebook account...

unfortunately i don't have internet access at my place of work and i'm not bored enough to do a through search for all things 'Eugene Kang' on the net. this'll have to do for now. considering the surname 'Kang' isn't all that common even in Asian countries, the fact that so much garbage has come up is a good indication that 'John Tan' or 'Mary Lee' are gonna be fairly famous on the information superhighway...

writer's block

2008-05-20T20:44:00.004+08:00

its one of those times where i've got a lot of things on my mind but can't for the life of me think of something proper to write about...

so i shall summarize everything nicely in one little sentence:

"i wish i were rich"

peace

outstanding off days = 17

2008-05-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

a toast to burnt weekends galore..!!
enjoy the saturdays all you short people..

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start

2008-05-12T21:50:00.006+08:00

My involvement in this year's MINDEF (no) PRIDE Day has recently rekindled my interest in website design & management. Playing the role of webmanager has accorded me various side benefits that have inadvertently spawned within me an unhealthy interest in pull-down menus and interactive Flash animations. Yes, once again the Armed Forces have relinquished before me the necessary tools to not only pursue something puerile yet interesting, but this time to concurrently get paid for it, all on gahmen time

You may have previously seen my virgin attempt at creating my personal online repository of rants & insightful editorials during my student attachment stint with the Armed Forces. Perusing through the old pages now I'm still appalled I managed to come up with a functional website knowing absolutely nothing about website design & creation. True, the material within isn't stuff of literary genius, but I'd venture to lay claim that the content provides for much more entertaining reading than 90% of those personal free domain websites, low brow humor notwithstanding

Being the MPD webmanager has once again brought about the unholy union between Myself & Dreamweaver. For the uninitiated, Dreamweaver is the Maximizer of website design. It allows even the most amateur noobs to create designs that give the impression that they know damn well what they're doing, all without the aid of alcohol. Furthermore, I've stabbed myself in the chest yet again, this time with another ECA as the Unit webmaster. This virtually guarantees me my continual tempestous relationship with Dreamweaver long after MINDEF no PRIDE Day is over.

Naturally, a girl wearing a Maximizer hardly helps anything if she's ugly to begin with. Dreamweaver may let me create the most fanciful feature laden webpages in the universe but without solid content to lace it with, its as good as being trapped on an island with a bevy of Playmates...except I'm gay. So before I accost Dreamweaver to do my dirty work, I'd really need to come up with something that's tangible & sustainable in the long run.

Frankly though..I've absolutely no inkling even where to begin..

uh..so random..

2008-04-14T22:21:00.002+08:00

girls who see singapore no up are total HAGTRASH..like ooo..you're too good for this place..everything gotta be foreign..

tell that to my finger cockbite!!

public service annoucement

2008-03-18T19:30:00.002+08:00

as a civic minded citizen, it is my singaporean responsiblity to sincerely wish somebody catches Mas Selamat at the quickest possible opportunity..

therefore, if you do come across anybody that matches his facial description, please feel at ease to raise the proverbial alarm to facilitate the authorities in arresting his jihad behind.

its not my place to comment on the coincidental nature of his 'escape', nor is it appropriate to question the integrity of the detention officers because somewhere out there somebody is getting paid to question these sort of things..it is however in my utmost interest that this terrorist is apprehended as quickly as possible..

even as i type now the woodlands causeway is experiencing a perennial jam because of heightened security checks. you've read the stories about lorry drivers waiting days for their turn to empty their trailers for the authorities to find more illegal immigrants with little hope of ever finding a crippled malay huddled away in a corner. it gets even worse for private car drivers, who're forced to wait up to (?!) 40mins, effectively burning off enough petrol to fuel a cross country run around the island. as desperately as Mas Selamat needs to be captured, my Accord also needs its weekly msian petrol jaunt, or face the rising possiblity of paying upwards of SGD$2.00 for a single litre of standard grade petrol.

nevertheless, i feel the need to commend the efforts of the local authorities. even though everyone secretly knows a scheming JI terrorist leader wouldn't be caught dead trying to leave the country via the causeway, the police are still relentless in enforcing strict checks on every single vehicle attempting to leave the country. honestly, as a member of the Singapore Armed Forces, i respect their endurance. i must also mention the brilliant tactics they use to twart any possible escape attempts...its almost as if someone in the police force suddenly decided to enforce logic in their decision making process.

now..instead of them checking every vehicle at where they normally check your petrol indicator, one officer checks the car CONCURRENTLY while your passport gets stamped by the booth auntie. unless you're a regular driver, you have NO idea how much time this process saves. further compliments can be heaped on the police for the implementation of the fingerprint scanner. in addition to the vehicle check at the booth, all passengers are now also required to scan their fingerprints, which is matched to Mas Selamat's in real time. effectively, they no longer have to worry about fake goatees.

i seldom have kind words for anything related to gahmen organizations but this warrants an exception. while i hate the artificial jam like any normal functioning person, i respect the efforts of the police in trying to ease the inconveniences their checks impose on the citizendry.

please catch this son of a bitch soon..

i'm mcLovin' it

2008-02-22T17:14:00.003+08:00

Singapore is hosting the 2010 Youth Olympics, chosen ahead of perennial terrorist nation Russia. Politicians are rejoicing, students are in elation, hotels make new space for enlarged coffers...and I couldn't care less.

When the sight of a sea of red greeted my eyes on the tube yesterday, I thought national day had come early this year..before I was rudely reminded by fatigue that I had in fact wasted an entire day at the office. Nope no public holiday there. Chances that a few thousand people would share a strike of the 10 million lottery were fairly slim as well, so this could be eliminated. What's the point of rejoicing over winning a paltry $100 on national television anyway..

Having the F1/Olympics/World Cup hosted right here in SG means jack squat to the ordinary citizen. Well, the World Cup would be interesting only for the fact that I like soccer, but heck you wouldn't catch me running amok on television celebrating as though I was promised hot torrid sex with multiple playboy playmates.

To me, this sort of garbage means blocked roads, increased security, delays and general annoyance at such inconveniences. Couple this to the fact that our good friends the gahmen will be spending our taxpayer's money to build the neccessary infrastructure to accommodate the goddamn youth olympics, money that could be better spent building more roads instead of ERPs.

I mean its not like our gahmen is the kind that would compromise its citizens for the sake of impressing the outside world right..? ...RIGHT??

So while the tourism industry creams its collective pants thinking about its perceived potential revenue, the local citizens receive benefits like Economic Restructuring Shares to offset a perennial GST hike and NTUC/Popular vouchers; If we're lucky perhaps even another extra month's bonus come end of the year. Its not as though increased commodity prices actually affect anyone yea?

Therefore, well done Singapore on reaching national adulthood by achieving what everyone thought would be impossible! You've proven that any country can host something as grand as the Youth Olympics as long as enough locals are sacrificed in the process. The influx of visitors to our great nation and the resulting job opportunities will of course be handled not by our own incapable hands but by the blood & sweat of our compadres chinamen/pinoys/indons/viets...

To celebrate Singapore now reaching maturity, I have also partaken in the joy of attaining adulthood by purchasing my first every shaver. Hoo-fucking-ray!

Sweetness + Singapore = Hot mcLovin'

Make It Happen

2008-02-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

there are flyers & there are farmers..
there are elites & there are 'ok performers'..

..then there is tall, spoilt & wholly disinterested.

at this juncture in life just over the point where i can no longer legally behave like a child, more colloquailly known as 'adulthood' or 'cannot-take-money-from-parents-anymore', i seem to be walking into a wall...a big fiery angry Chuthulu wall..with teeth.

contemplating my available options for a 2nd career, i quickly careen to the realisation that the perfect lifestyle for me encompasses a large inheritance and a benefactor in poor health. unfortunately, the closest job match i got from taking some online job questionnaire a few years ago was 'deliveryman' & 'road cleaner' based on my job preferences. apparently its impractical to assume stress & salary are inversely related, even though life experiences dictate otherwise. if you silently concur that you're paid far too little for the amount of work you need to churn out..see what i mean?

its commonplace for the fairer sex to net themselves a rich & dying mate, thus solidifying their existences via Porches and line dancing. however, real props go up though, to those privileged few men who manage to leech themselves onto the offspring daughters of the aforemetioned females. not only are affluent females less common, the echelon is further reduced after eliminating those with faces only a drunken mother could love.

take this short quiz to find out if you're privileged (for men)
i. Do you go to your partner's place more often than she comes to yours?
ii. Do you go out with her family (dinner, relative's bdae, cousin's wedding etc)?
iii. Is she usually the driver when you both go dating?
iv. Do you usually get access to her (or her family's) car because she went away on holiday with her family?

any genius can probably figure out how to interpret the quiz results. if you're answers are all opposite to mine, congratulations you'd do well to treasure it. or else contemplating about the future and blogging about it will feature prominently in your to-do lists.

backtracking to relevancy again, it worries my senses when work life siphons 40 years and i haven't an inkling what i should (or can) pursue to shorten the relative duration. balancing interests with salary is an endeavour better left to fate and yet the irony of it is life usually deals a joker, decreeing menial mind numbing work upon us while barely provisioning equitable monetary compensation.

at the very least, i have another 2.5 years to pretend it doesn't affect me..

...but i am honestly worried.

like...ha-ha funny

2008-02-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

this is so fucking funny i forgot what i wanted to say...

coincidentally..check this out..

you get a cookie if you see the significance

hell froze over

2008-01-25T12:51:00.000+08:00

quick update...

imma off the ship...too many things have transpired for me to consolidate everything into a single blog post..at least i'm not ready to take the plunge and do a major write up..

but hypocritical asshooolism is now back with a vengeance...so expect more hilarity once i get my life sorted out & back on track...

kudos!

paradigm..

2007-11-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

make no mistake about it..singaporeans are ugly creatures..
and i don't mean that literally even though such an expression wouldn't be lost on most of you..

we are ugly..egoistic..and maddeningly boorish..a society of prudes who are under the impression we hail from some kind of egalitarian utopia where everything unpleasant is embarrassing and beneath us.

just over last weekend..5 of our local dragonboaters met their demise under the most unfortunate of circumstances. as the nation scrambles to cope with the shock & grief..one word immediately comes to mind: HYPOCRITES

take a gander at any local newspaper over the past 3 days and one thing is immediately apparent. other than the elaborate writeups detailing the deceased's life history & family grief..the most initial and jarring headline(s) screamed 'Singaporeans were not wearing life jackets!'; 'Could accident have been avoided with life jackets?'; 'Life jackets not a must in competitive racing!'

i first learnt of the incident via the radio, where the newscaster nonchalently announced '5 Singaporeans were sucked under a freak wave along a Cambodian river. A Cambodian official commented that the 5 Singaporeans did not don life jackets...'

hence the island is now in an uproar over the issue of life jackets..to the point former retired Navy scholar turned Dragonboat Association chairman Kwek Siew Jin had to make a public statement saying the 5 men chose (wrongly) to do without their lifejackets while scaling the river.

so the weight of 5 lives are measured against the donning of life jackets in Singapore? why the heck is an educated affluent society like ours unable to cope with disaster? why on earth are we hell bent on finding a scapegoat to put the blame on? are we so immature that we can't accept this is just a freak accident of nature and focus on what's actually important (namely to aid the affected families in the proceedings and remembrance of the 5 men who died)? the entire lifejacket saga seems to take more precedence over the actual deaths...which inadvertently makes it a very bad time for others to know i'm singaporean..

how can we call singapore a developed country when we can't even deal with such things in a more composed manner? something happens...hell & highwater break loose to explain the blame away. newspapers talk about how unforgiving the river can be this time of year, how dragonboaters usually aren't good swimmers because of their mainly upper body training...all hogwash bullcrap meant as filler for the papers. we're trying to tag a reason for their deaths..does that even make sense? if my son/daughter (touchwood) had their lives cut short in some accident..as a parent i couldn't care less even if someone could give me the most detailed logical explanation for their death. God Himself couldn't give me a good reason that would calm my soul, much less some dribble in the local newspaper.

food for thought: what IF the 5 men did wear life jackets and still drowned? what then? 'Singapore life jackets found to be of inferior quality'; 'Singaporeans using wrong type of lifejackets?'; or worse..'Singaporeans may not have drowned if lifejackets didn't impede their movement'

MFTSOI

2007-11-24T00:29:00.000+08:00

ok peasants..its time for another round of me musing over the sad state of affairs our society is in today.

topic of the day: MARRIAGE..or rather...the rush for it

now...like any normal person i respect the institution of legal rape; honestly i do. i sincerely believe that when 2 (or more) individuals are ready to bind themselves perpetually, it is a beautiful thing. heck without it we'd all have to take actual offense whenever some prick calls you a bastard..

..which leads me to the crux of today's rambling:
Are young educated promising individuals honestly even sure of what the hell they're doing whenever they jump the gun and decide to tie the knot?

hey..i barely turned 26 a couple of months ago and 90% of all existing people i know who are attached have already said their vows/ROMed/got a flat/got a kid/planned the dates. and take into account i'm already a year behind my own cohort of 81ers. the amazing thing? all those strong willed career minded girls with degrees who i personally believed would never think of marriage before reaching some career plateau have already been boned and hammered in multiple orifices by their not-boyfriends.

the trend also shows that for some reason saf regulars seem to love the notion of getting tied down..my conclusion is that they're worried their gfs may get swept away by the more successful, suave, rich guys in the outside world. 25 year old guys...hardly got their feet wet in the working world...who still enjoy playing soccer/hanging with frens/fucking random girls...deciding that its time to commit themselves to 1 girl. the irony? a fair bit of them don't even have girlfriends, and their peers are talking about marriage...

oh sure..you engaged/married dipshits are probably going 'here's another immature retard who doesn't understand the significance of marriage who doesn't know how to prioritise his life'

however consider for a minute..between doing something YOU like & spending 'quality' time with her to make HER happy...which decision would make more sense, notwithstanding you trying to get into her good books so she'll give you sex that night..? economy is booming now and we've got retards wanting to get married and pay upwards of $400k for a GODDAMN STUPID FUCKSHIT 4 ROOM HDB FLAT. i couldn't care less if the flat was smack in the middle of town or has some kickass view of the sea. i'm in the bloody navy think i've seen enough fucking ships & water thank you very fucking much...
you me both know flat prices are grossly inflated right now..but nooo..little john & mary think spending half a million to live like 80% of the population is a good buy. yes...cry father cry mother think car prices are ridiculous indeed...

NEWSFLASH: unlike the cost of own a vehicle in SG, property prices do rise & fall with the market economy.
lets see...i buy high now...and after i stay in my little HDB for 4 years and want to sell...hmm...would the economy be booming still...and HDB prices have rocketed to 1 million per unit...or is it more plausible for economy to slow down or even better...crash like in 97?? and guess who'll be getting married when that happens and getting a private condo in some prime area for less than what that shittard paid for the bedok unit facing the ocean...

honestly...$700k for a HDB unit?? 2 years ago a 2000sq ft condo along HOLLAND ROAD went for $850k...

fiscal issues aside, plenty 'o couples i see don't seem to be 'ready' to settle down. truth be told i know of only 2 or 3 couples who i believe are truly into this whole marriage thing. the rest all seem to be tying the knot for the sake of it..or some other ulterior motive...but their fiancees/gf/wives aren't rich so i can't think of any good ulterior motive...

i've attended my fair share of weddings this past year and honestly, while i give my best wishes to the couple, i can't help but raise an eyebrow and get a nagging feeling that it all feels very rehearsed and fake. as in 'i'm getting married so i must do this-n-this to prepare and show my love and we will get a flat and have xxx babies and WHATEVER!'

i have only attended 1 friend's wedding this year where i could really FEEL the couple were in love and getting married was their dream come true, and not just some rite of passage to show everyone your change in status.

for the record...MY gut feel about the couples who're planning marriage:

wendy: err...if 1st 3 months is anything to go by...you're just scared nobody else would want you right? (joking)
alvin/eileen: you both will definitely end up together long term but not really 100%...yet
costin/shann: sorry bro..i've maintain what i've said before..you seem to want to get married for the sake of it..you think you WANT but i suspect its out of obligation
hoongchwan: marriage for the sake of it
kokleong: see above
alvin/jocelyn: why wait till '09??
chiyung: your husband is ready...but are you?
huiqiong: see hoongchwan
xiaolin: see above
ruimin: *yawn* better pray hard 1. you age gracefully 2. the guy doesn't go bankrupt

oh ya..these are just my own personal gut feelings and you're not obligated to agree with me (although you would be wrong in that case) so don't get your panties in a tussle over what someone says in his blog. yes long post...thanks for reading

some pics are tombalik..don't ask

2007-11-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

some random updates..

I. Finally gave in and hacked up my PSP. The good news is that now I'm able to download & run PSP/PSX games literally F.O.C; bad news is that there's no humanly possible way to partition enough free time to play through each & every game I've downloaded/ripped...

FFVIII running on PSP

Currently playing: Jeanne D'Arc. A strategy RPG that parodies the historical Joan of Arc. I don't know shit about her other than she's the white version of Mulan and if the game's story is even moderately accurate, its about a war between France & England and how 'Jeanne' is France's savior/Pucelle.

II. After years of digging around I've finally managed to obtain a good quality rip (WITH SUBS) of the Dragonball Z OVA. Notwithstanding your probable obsession with Dragonball as a kid, chances are you've never heard of this OVA, much less seen it. Its the only DBZ movie ever to feature SSJ Gohan & SSJ Future Trunks (short haired ver2) in it...and of course the obligatory scene featuring Vegeta who makes a late grand entrace only to be the first to get his back broken within the first 30s.

No you've never seen this before

III. Limpei's foray into the wonderful world that is the merchant navy is currently an impending foreboding that provides nothing in the way of concrete details. All I know is I'm definitely going, but I've NO idea whens' d-day; I've NO idea which ports of call I'm visiting; and NO I still don't see the purpose of this 6 months of forceful sexual abstinence. What I can claim though..is that I won't be around to see Xmas'07...the motherfuckers~!!

IV. In accordance with my penchant for throwing money away, I've acquired my latest status (sex) symbol..the Nokia 8600 Luna. It hardly has any features and doesn't necessarily do anything well...in short its everything an overpriced white elephant should be and basically the perfect accessory for me. Congratulate me for I have finally found the true successor to my now retired Nokia 8850.

'Nuff Said

V. Congratulate me again on the revival of my Super Nintendo. The schmuck who originally sold me the console provided me a defective power adaptor..negating any use I had for the system. Fortunately the dubious world of online auctions accorded me the opportunity to find some retard who was willing to sell the power adaptor independent of the console. I wonder what he's doing with his own SNES that can't be powered up anymore.

SNES running the Dragonball Z card game RPG

VI. Ever since the bulb for my lava lamp went apeshit a few years back, I've been on a fervent hunt for the elusive replacement bulb that no shop seemed to carry. Even those stores that sold lava lamps didn't have spare bulbs for sale..those greedy fucks. Anyway with a little bit of luck and direction I have now a functional lava lamp again.

yay!!

imma military man..

2007-11-05T16:41:00.000+08:00

Consoles have finally evolved to the stage where FPSs are able to convey the visceral mayhem that immerses the player into a world of stimulatory orgasm.

Oh well..back to more CoD4..

quickie...

2007-10-10T02:51:00.000+08:00

Finally fixed all the necessary HTML and upthelorry is fully functional once again. Notice the slight change in design which doesn't really serve any purpose other than causing more eye strain for your already myopic senses.

I've also finally added one of those stupid whatsitcalled...'tagboards' where random douchebags can display their lack of formal education while faced with my supreme-ness. I need to apologise on behalf the retards who designed the board in the event you find it unprofessional looking. I may have coded an entire website using nothing but notepad and HTML but I can't for the life of me crack open the innards of the tagboard to alter its design since its not built into the HTML code but their own private webservers.

Thanks for my time!

fuck is wrong with you ppl...

2007-10-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

seriously...fuck your mother jibai...

i love everyone..you included!

2007-07-30T10:19:00.000+08:00

i got major boredom for company today so instead of expanding my playboy archives i decided to do some spring cleaning for the 6592 email inboxes i have. after deleting the 20 billion citizenship/university/friend/breast enhancement offers, i chanced upon the following 2 gems, courtesy of my industrial attachment brainchild.

The following in italics have been cut n pasted in their entirety and have not been edited in any way so don't ask me what so-and-so means.

From: pin_hua89@hotmail.com
To: ikaruga11@gmail.com
Date: 27/10/06

This is base on my personal comment and i would like to address that ac guy.
I was just thinking if that acjcian/acsian guy is writing that marche
article as well, since he¡¦s so bloody proud of being an acsian/acjcian (the
rich school well known for hot people-just another F4 wannabe school in
meteor garden), then why do u have to write such an article?

JUST BLOODY PAY UP THE BILLS IF UR SO EFFING RICH.

oh and if acsian family has the best UNIFORM, WHATS WITH THE BUMBLEBEE TIE
for the ibm people? huhhh huhhh? u call that nice fashion sense?

trust me, i wouldn mind wearing the sa tie with any white shirt anytime and
walk on the streets.
i dare you to walk on the streets with any of ur white shirts accompanying
that bumblebee tie.
FLY TO YOUR ORCHARD AND GO PICK UR HONEY.

hahha to an outsider who reads this article, if only reflects that someone
from ac is actually being hell jealous of the people in sa.

wth are u jealous about?
the guys?
the uniform?

omg please act like someone ur age. it is people like you who creates
trouble and all. just mind ur own sch and the others wont comment on yours
as well. if u so like to compete, then compete fairly in events like
competitions sports and all.

you think vulgairities surpasses all? HELLO, we're living in a new century.
being so bold as to post everything on the net, not being afraid of being
sued just because of your strong family background, thats so cliche.

acjc has a good school reputation alright, it is people like you who totally
ends up spoiling it.

if u so love ac culture, then PROMOTE IT, condemning other people's school
culture, IS THAT YOUR SCHOOL CULTURE? OF CRITIZING AND BITCHING ABOUT OTHER
PEOPLE'S SCHOOL?

the guys in sa definitely as what you said" inability to talk dirty nasty
vulgar things in front of the opposite sex" because they know their limits,
because they act like gentlemen, unlike people who throws the face of our
country because their mouth is filled with all the filthy and unglam stuff.
this only further make other bigger countries around the world belittle us.

i feel so sorry for you.

----------------------------
From: f.john.doe@gmail.com
To: ikaruga11@gmail.com
Date: 15/10/06

dear arrogant son of acs-

i just wanted to tell you that i found your article incredibly interesting and intriguing. simply because i found it INSANELY FUNNY that you labelled your article wrong by mistake, and replaced all the places where 'acs' should have been with 'sajc'! don't worry, it's okay. i'm sure everyone understands what you're trying to say. oh and i guess you really did meet such pathetic sods from sajc yeh? bloody bastards. don't know if they have any saving graces within the male community in sajc, but not to worry, i know of some in acs. really quite a nice school, the male population filled with a big mixture of poseurs, horny fuckbigs, glib tongues, cheating assholes, similarly overzealous christians, spoilt brats, and i must say, all them pretty damn goodlooking hunks with fuckable bodies! there's that typical acs goodlooks. and this just goes to show how these goodlooks can tell you what exemplary guys they must be. guys like you, i suppose. you must be goodlooking, with a rockhard body, with girls swooning and falling at your feet. damn i'd kill to be like you. but i guess moms would be really disappointed to have a kid who's such a self-assuming disgusting piece of turd eh..?

tell me all about your sexual endeavours, im sure you have plenty being such a fine piece of shit you are. with that mouth and amazing vocabulary, you'd definitely have a magnetic effect on women. repelling, of course.

lovely day!

p.s. oh and you should ask ard about the high regards pple have for acs boys on the shit scale. we all think very highly of you guys. and once before, pple actually believed there are saving graces amongst you, but so the high regard on the shit list dropped a little, but pple like you bring it right up again!! :)

----------------------------

i now know why webmasters actually all love hatemail. seriously what's there not to love? we just do our thang and manage to rile up random net junkies enough to spend time to drop an email detailing why their mothers abandoned them in a dumpster. we all know the real reason for child abandonment stems from the child being too ugly and nothing more.

both emails date rather far back and were sent on a fairly back-to-back basis, and were the only 2 i found in my inbox which would lead me to believe these 2 tree huggers are actually one n the same. but no matter...everyone knows hatemail is quantified by volume, not by individual senders.

the first email apparently seems to be from a female, judging by the really innovative "pin_hua89" moniker she uses. exhaustive investigative work would also lead me to believe this probably awesome looking chick was born in 89'...which would roughly translate to her being in J1/J2 in 2006. err...she talks about the 'bumblebee' tie which i assume refers to that really nasty tie peppered with little acs logos all over. why that reminds anyone of bumblebee is anyone's gue...waitaminit...i don't recall EVER wearing a yellow volkswagon with my really kickass white n blue in the only 2 years worth talking about..them ties be fashion items for our little buddies in ACS, not the bigger bastards in ACJC.
update: oooh..there's this new tie design that's like sooo 2004. i have no idea what it looks like so maybe there're little volkswagon beetles adorning the cloth. i heard those pansies have to wear ties everyday now too...
hence, the need to disregard pin_hua89's hatemail altogether arises because all her gripes about ACS/JC originates from the mind of a 1989 schmuck who doesn't even know what Transformers are, much less what Bumblebee is. (retards who say bumblebee's a Camaro need to be stabbed in the balls). REAL MEN went through JC in the 90s. Even REAL-ER MEN know that Bumblebee is a stupid yellow Volkswagon beetle.

2nd one's probably from a dude..unless john is actually an alias for johnette..i like the stuff this fella composed.
john is an acs/acjc boy who lurves the AC culture more than i love my Z(H)onda. Throughout his worship piece he keeps reminding me why my school is so kickass with all the "big mixture of poseurs, horny fuckbigs, glib tongues, cheating assholes, similarly overzealous christians, spoilt brats, and i must say, all them pretty damn goodlooking hunks with fuckable bodies!" holy shit..i always knew we were good looking chunks of meat but now WE'RE FUCKABLE TOO??? hot dyam!! girls pick a number..eugene will be with you shortly. ;)
oh! oh! it gets even better..rather than give some leeway by stating this refers only to 'general' acsians and i myself look like dog vomit, john even goes on to proclaim " you must be goodlooking, with a rockhard body, with girls swooning and falling at your feet. damn i'd kill to be like you."
and my mom is supposed to be disappointed at this because...??

popular culture would dictate i make witty comments and turn everybody against these 2 dung flinging jesus haters. but i'm not really in the mood for that because in general my brain doesn't work in 'snide' mode during the early hours when i haven't beaten my meat yet. so this post shall just be a simple sharing session to remind everyone why Eugene will never amount to anything other than this hot fuckable hunk thingy that's apparently a bad thing.

donch mind me..i siao one!

2007-07-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

it wouldn't be a far stretch of the imagination to say the biggest turning point of my life was the time i penned my signature down on that piece of paper signifying that i had lost all will to live. my parents choked on my idiocy, peers and enemies both began their tirade of endless mocking, heck even Jesus came to me in a dream one night to personally lay me a Stone Cold Stunner(tm) if only for lack of adequate vocabulary to condemn my lack of self respect.

*i still hear the screams...*

6 years on and nothing's much changed. the outright condemnation by the general populace has been phased to silent mocking behind my back, which is less painful because what you don't hear can't hurt you...right? i also have the distinct privilege of working with talented young achievers who by sheer coincidence all happen to be of similar gender..one i try to avoid as best i can.

i refrain from embarking on journeys of self delusion to ask myself what life could have been..perhaps i'm afraid of the answer, or maybe i'm just avoiding what i already know. so the solution is just to keep running

competing & comparing are big flaws of humanity right up there with hot yet scheming/self-centered/materialistic females..but its unavoidable. horniness is something you can hide, but not eliminate. competing & comparing follow the same principle, except it doesn't result in strewn tissues.

self reflective posts like this are a bitch to compile..bantering about the inadequacies of other individuals are far easier than making an honest assessment of oneself. seems like each time one performs some kind of self soul searching, it results in some generic revelation that appears to be the cure all for the world's problems. alas, no revelation to be found here...if i'm lucky i'll find the missing half of my 人间凶器 collection..

considering how i've been in a downward spiral these years i think its frickin' hyprocritical/amazing how i maintain the status quo as a general devilspawn who lords over the peasants of society. considering my situation, who the heck am i to judge anyone? i know a couple of queers but they had more common sense to return to society w/o any strings attached. so who's the real queer here? mebbe i shd start gg church again..

self reflection seriously sucks.

a dialogue says a thousand pictures..

2007-06-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

Prime: "Ironhide! Report to me at once!"
Ironhide: "Everytime I look into a monitor my circuit sizzles. When are we gonna bust some Deceptichops?"
Prime: "I want you to make a special run to Autobot city on Earth!"
Ironhide: "But Prime!"
Prime: "Listen Ironhide! We don't have enough energon to power a full scale assault! Ready the shuttle for launch!"
Ironhide: "Your days are numbered now Decepticons!"

*Awesome transforming sound*

Prime: "Jazz! Report security status!"
Jazz: "No sign of Decepticons here Prime!"
Spike: "Hey Ironhide! Tell my son Daniel I miss him. And tell him not to worry! I'll be home as soon as we kick Megatron's tail across the galaxy!"
Ironhide: "Will do Spike."
Prime: "Cliffjumper! Commence countdown!"
Cliffjumper: "5..4..3..2..1..Ignition!"
Prime: "Now all we need is a little energon, and a lot of luck."

Shockwave: "Laserbeak returns, Megatron!"
Megs: "Welcome Laserbeak! Unlike some of my other warriors you never fail me!"

*Stunned Starscream*

Megs: "Soundwave! Play back Laserbeak's findings!"
Soundwave: "As you command, Megatron."

*playback"
(I want you to make a special run to Autobot city on Earth...But Prime...Listen Ironhide we don't have enough energon to power a full scale assault...Ready the shuttle for launch...Now all we need is a little energon and a lot of luck)

Megs: "More than you imagine, Optimus Prime."

*KABOOM*

Brawn: "Decepticons!"
Megs: "Die Autobots!"

*Awesome transforming sound into gun mode* cue 'Instruments of Destruction'
(Iron birds of fooortune...adrift above the skieeees....Cloudy revelation...unseen by naked eyes...)

*tiu tiu tiu terbish kapow*

*Transformation sound*

Megs: "This was almost too easy Starscream."
Starscream: "Much easier almighty Megatron, than attacking the Autobot's moon base!"
Megs: "You're an idiot Starscream. When we slip by Earth's warning defense systems in their own shuttle, the Autobots will be vanquished forever!"

*Ironhide grabs Megs' leg*

Ironhide: "Noooo...."
Megs: "Such heroic nonsense..."

*KABOOM*

....
and that was the end of most all the 'bots we grew up with and love...barely 5 minutes into the 1986 movie. you think i'm kidding? go watch it for yourselves and tell me i made the wrong sound effects for the battle in the shuttle.

and now...to make things up to all the broken childhoods and nightmares caused, the new 2007 movie will probably help us all ease right on into the movie for a good hour before you even see half a Transformer appear, and likely a good 2 hours before so-n-so gets obliterated.

the difference 20 years make....and still those bastards don't get things right!

goddammit michael bay you better pray to your vishnu gods that your fucking movie better rape my eyes out and make me sell my car for a yellow camaro...else i'm gonna induce change to the world by writing angry things on an internet blog, things that involve you and sentinent nuclear horse cocks.

LETS GET DANGEROUS!!

2007-06-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

"
Life is like a hurricaaaane...here in Duckburg,
Race cars lasers aeroplaaaanes...its a duckbluurrr,
Might solve a mystery,
Or rewrite history....

Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!
Everyday they're out there making Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!
Tales of daring do bad and good Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!

D-d-danger lurks behind yooou,
There's a stranger out to find you,
What to do just grab onto some...

Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!
Everyday they're out there making Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!
Tales of daring do bad and good Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!

Not phoney tales or cotton tales...no
Duck Tales!! Woo-hoo!!
"

"
Daring duck of mys-tery,
Champion of riiiggght,
Swoops out of the shaaaadows,
Dark wing of the liiight,
Somewhere some villian schemes,
But his number's up...321

Darkwing Duck!!
When there's trouble you call D-W!!
Darkwing Duck!!
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!!
Darkwing Duck!!
Darkwing...Darkwing Duck!!

Cloud of smoke and he appears,
A master of suuurrprrise,
Who's that coming round the 'hind,
Shadow in disguuiise,
Nobody knows for sure,
Bad guys are outta luck....heeeere comes

Darkwing Duck!! Lookout!!
When there's trouble you call D-W!!
Darkwing Duck!!
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!!
Darkwing Duck!!
Better watch out you baaaad boys,
Darkwing Duck!!
"

Ducks fucking rule!!

ZHNG YOUR RIDE PART TRES'

2007-05-01T09:03:00.000+08:00

hello hello..welcome once again to upthelorry's ongoing ZYR series, where i show you readers the exact type of poseurs (namely myself) who have too much free time and resources on their hands that i love to hate.

hooboy we've got a biggie today..previously DYR delved into the intricacies of bodykits installation; nevermind the fact that it mainly consisted of a slew of pic whoring with little to no actual value. today we're gonna go into actual DIY, where i guide you through the various steps to make your ride worth an extra lancer's worth of cash.

"but mr sexiness!! any real car enthusiast can tell the difference between the real and pirated thing!"

ah yes..you're absolutely right there! but let's not forget the target demographic shall we? you don't suppose the thousands of civics and lancers with GT Wings the size of a small plane are trying to impress the car enthusiast are they? i'm sure they are...

ok on to business..
(all images can be enlarged by clicking on them in case anyone feels i've got something to hide by using small pictures)

MOD 1. MAKING YOUR HONDA IPOD COMPATIBLE
here's the retarded thing..while BMWs and Lexus' have ready made phono jacks installed all over the vehicle, Honda JPN decided they're above providing value added features to their vehicles; hence adding a proprietary aux function that only works with a special converter and jack. ooook so we're off hunting for said converter...

there we go! it took frickin' MONTHS to find a dealership that imported these #^**@! devices!

now we gotsta remove lots of shit from the centre console; namely the storage bin, ashtray and stickshift cover. then its time to plug in the converter. i'd show you where the aux input of the car actually is but no amount of twisting n turning would allow me a clean shot at it. suffice to say its directly behind the only lighted button in the pic that can only be accessed by removing the storage bin.

next we need a bit of drilling to create an access for the cable. mi ipod inside the storage bin would be good hence i commenced drilling on my $80k baby (the storage box you idiot). retarded yes but its flat out insane to use an FM transmitter on a car that receives radio stations at +/- 10Hz. next we run ipod connecting wire thru' the hole and voila! crystal clear MP3 playing through the audio system that can be used to control the ipod's functions. neato!

in case you can't envision what a drilled hole looks like. note the normal phono jack also available to connect any other MP3 devices to the car. sweet shit!

my iPod happily attached sitting pretty within the storage bin

MOD 2. CHEATING THE NON-ENTHUSIAST
okie pokie..now to the real stuff. i'll save the elaboration on the differences between the Accord Euro and Euro-R you can go check out the physical and internal differences for yourself. we're now going to turn the JDM Accord into a Euro-R replica via a simple changing of the front girlle.

Step 1. Obtain the Euro-R grille (duh!) and affix the badge to the grille. In case you think its possible to keow the badge out for your own Accord, let me state its a waste of time because of the way its affixed. trust me i've tried multiple times liao on other Euro-Rs but its not possible. you need to spend that bit of dough to get a set. (jibai to good design!)

Step 2. Remove the existing grille

Step 3. This step is redundant if you've still got the stock grille installed. I previously used an aftermarket one so those motherfuckers used silicon glue to affix the grille. so here is yours truly meticulously removing as much of the black shit as humanly possible. (this took up the bulk of the time knn)

Step 4. There you have it! Fit in your new original grille and use all existing pins and screws to secure it. No bloody silicon shit required for originals hell yeah!

shown above are the various grille incarnations my baby had to go through. looking at that original crappy chrome makes me wonder how i ever lived with it for the first month of owning the car. suffice to say the new Euro-R version will be a permanent fixture now. you can't fight with the R-Type accessories period.

MOD 3. SUBCONSCIOUSLY ENHANCING THE PERCEIVED VALUE OF YOUR RIDE
this is a no-brainer. the pics can speak for themselves....

oh ya don't to affix the Euro-R badge for the behind as well.

and the front...

if you still don't know what i'm referring to..here's a fun fact:
KAH Motors only carry the USDM Accord, not the JDM Accord. Make of that what you will.

Overall, the car has undergone various facelifts to become its current incarnation. The list of mods are as follows in chronological order:
1. 17" rims
2. Twin Exhaust
3. Aftermarket grille
4. Skirtings
5. Foglights
6. iPod aux input
7. Number plate
8. Euro-R Grille
Make the comparisons yourself. Still don't believe the new look far exceeds the original?

I've provided another comparison photo before and after the grille zhng. note that the old grille shown is the version 2 one and not the original. the version 2 model already has all the skirtings and foglights installed liao.

And that concludes PART III of the ZYR series. Its fun to hate morons who do up their average rides in a futile attempt to impress some random passerby when a mere glance from anyone who knows what a clutch is can immediately debase all those churlish modifications they've made. A lancerlution forever's a lancer no matter WHAT fuck thing you do to it. Putting 100 meters that are actually just simple clocks on your dashboard doesn't change a single fucking thing haha. I've seen a Vios with count em' 7 (SEVEN) of the fuck things. Seriously...a VIOS????

And before you try to gloat over my perceived lack of self-awareness, here's a pic of my JDM Accord and a Euro-R

The Euro-R

lim peis' JDM Accord

i rest my case.

yes!!! yes!!! yes!!!

2007-03-30T23:04:00.000+08:00

i really didn't appreciate you enough in MIDS..

thanks buddy!

its kinda large (2MB) so just wait for it to load fully you pervert!

don't shoot the messenger...

2007-03-26T16:56:00.000+08:00

OMFG it doesn't matter if you lacked any form or childhood go check out the new TMNT movie like right now!!! it may not be the best remake ever but it sure comes damn hell close..!! and that's coming from someone who pisses over everything retro-new (read: shitty remakes of old school kickass-ness).

ok so our 4 favourite sewer dwellers now have hamburgers for heads and lack their rotund turtle-like physique of their 80s counterparts..and the CGI humans look like something out of some local godforsaken animation studio..but i'm here to shoutout to all that IT DOESN'T FRICKIN' MATTER!! the 80s flavor and humour are kept intact and nothing is EXTREMED or THUGGED OUT to appeal to all them niggawannabes teenagers.

but you go watch the movie and rate it yourself..i'm grabbing the chance to get all retro for this post and remind everyone why we had a proper childhood..

yea you like that don't you..kickass stuff back in the day...stop lying to yourself and deny you didn't glue yourself to the box each day after school to tune in to your fave 'toons..and stop deluding yourself that TMNT wasn't one of the biggest phenomenons to kick our collective butts in the 80s. goddamnit you could find them reptiles on cereal boxes!! and what better way to honour the turtles than to remind everyone of the juvenile but awesome cartoon...

and need i remind anyone about the wicked times you had ploughing thru' one of the multitudes of co-op sweetness that was the TMNT video games?? face it..you can't claim to have a childhood unless you've spent hours upon hours glued to your nintendo playing cooperative walk-here-walk-there-beatpeopleup-takechickenforlife..this one's from my fave turtles game..the SNES Turtles in Time!

so do yourself a favor and go relive your childhood for a couple hours in a dark theatre..you'll thank me for it later..

conicidentally..Transformers will be hitting the big screen some time this year but however i don't share the same anticipation as with the toitles..let me just officially state that i believe this new Transformers movie will be an insult to everyone's favorite line of boy toys. there's just too much hype w/o any kind of solid information regarding the movie.

worst of all? well actually i can't even decide..the fact that its not even following the original G1 continuity automatically qualifies it as sub standard already...worse that its gonna be live-action..i.e there's gonna be a focus on humans rather than plain ol' school robot on robot action. i admit using real world vehicles would be cool but when a show about robotic battles uses humans as a focal point..something's bound to suck..of cuz when it finally hits theatres it wouldn't matter cuz i'll be one of those clamouring to catch it..and subsequently buy the chiong version across the causeway..

my advice?? stick with the originals when it comes to old skool robot action..there's a reason why the G1 transformers are still the most popular continuity in the entire line.

yah mon ur eyes do not deceive you...you can catch the original G1 Transformers on CURRENT DAY MEDIACOCK TV!!! however, being the biased dickshits they are, this father of all wicked cartoons airs at 1430hrs on a SATURDAY AFTERNOON!! so while more primetime slots are filled with gay crap like pokemon and jimmy neutron, the cartoon to end all cartoons gets relegated to a timeslot where even i find difficult to make time for! nahbehjibye!!

"yes you look gay but fucking hell you'd better do a bang up job and do the 2007 movie justice...why you are not modelled after your 1984 version is beyond me but whatever at least you're still a truck...let's see what ol' Megs is gonna turn up as..."

zhng your car part deux..

2007-03-24T01:22:00.000+08:00

part II of my self help series 'ZHNG your ride' is now complete!! this time round we're not talking about simple cosmetic add-ons but a full out zhnging of the vehicle's exterior to realise your dream of conning naive passer-bys that your ride's worth $10-30k (or 100-200bhp whichever takes your fancy) more.

alas as circumstances would have it this time round i neglected to consider the fact that the Armed Forces happen to subscribe to the belief that the success or downfall of this great nation is determined by whether its employees carry handphone cameras with them or not. so just to test the system (because i'm such a slut), i grabbed random files within reaching distance, put them in my bag and brought them home to throw away. i mean if i'm gonna metal gear my way into secured places everyday, i might as well just bring the hardcopies home instead of taking grainy amateur handphone camera shots of each individual page right? i'm now waiting for the ISD to come a-knockin' telling me we're all going to hell because of this sensitive information leak.

all rational thought aside, what this means is that i had no means of capturing the zhng-ing process..boo-freakin'-hoo.

so rather than question the sensibilities of our nation's top scholars, i'd rather adopt the old adage of 'a centerfolds' worth more than anything you describe' and present a series of before-n-after pics for you smart induhviduals to figure out what was changed. its not rocket science really..anyone who isn't the current dominant demographic in our prestigious Institues of Technical Learning should have no problems detecting the major differences. those with good eyesight have a decided advantage here.

pics can be clicked on to enlarge for those who're unfamiliar with blogger's stupid photo uploading system

front view

back view

isometric (which really is a bitch to create in engineering drawings) view 1

isometric view 2

...and one for the above mentioned demographic..for fairness' sake ya know

once again i apologise for the lack of more detailed explanations caused by the lack of a camera on hand at the time of my zhng-ing research. i promise to do better next time but unfortunately i highly doubt we'll get to witness another penis-extension transformation for this model anymore due to its ascension to perfection. should this series ever be revived again you can be sure upthelorry will be on site to give you the latest coverage on penis-extension technologies.

remember: its not zhng-ing if it doesn't enhance the physical look e.g carbon fibre bonnets

bandwrath

2007-03-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

i go on YouTube hunting for full episodes of retro cartoons and my search yields me fifty million vids of the opening/ending trailers and 250 billion amateurs who feel the need to demonstrate what jackasses americans are..
remind me again what this whole YouTube phenomenons' all about again cuz i just suffocated myself on irony..

where's all my lost episodes of M.A.S.K, Transformers, DuckTales, Count Duckula, Rescue Rangers...etc.?

so YouTube's success is based on Man's inherent need to share whatever personal fancies with the rest of the non-caring world and the best thing they can come up with are one minute teasers of the opening or ending themes? and yet drivel like that taiwan shitfest 'frog becomes shit' or that show with that SHE butch gets entire seasons uploaded into YouTube's servers when its currently being shown on non-cable television?

might as well change YouTube to YourTube...there's nothing ME about it

talk about a slap to the nuts for those who could buy gum from shops when they were kids.

AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THEGOOSE?????

FUCK YOU IN THE NOSTRILS BLOGSPOT!!

someone needs to slap ettiquete in the face..

2007-03-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

this is a public service announcement..

i'd like to warn all you smart individuals who read upthelorry about certain dubious businesses who operate at singapore's very own Newton Circus.

this is an official complaint against the stall that sits directly in front of Table No. 27 in Newton Circus; the one that sells some XO whatever that's been recognized by that show hosted by Fiona Xie. its located at the very front of the centre coming from the carpark. i can't comment on the quality of the drivel they serve since i didn't order jack squat from them, but their attitudes towards paying customers are fucking deplorable. let's call it Stall Fuckyourmotherjibye.

so i'm there with a fren yesterday indulging in the usual stingray-carrot cake-combo sitting at Table 27. its a rainy evening so there are a fair number of dry tables available. so the after meal plan was to just sit there and bitch about why people are generally assholes; and things go well for a good portion of an hour as i down my usual sugarcane while commenting on the ugliness of the girls that get caught within my range of sight.

suddenly the hokkien mee uncle delivers a plate of his stuff to my table and after puzzling over his incompetence in remembering orders, we realise that its meant for the vendors of stall fuckyourmotherjibye. ok lor..they haven't had their dinner can't deprive them of food right? well a quick look around the immediate vicinity indicates there're more than enough tables for EACH of the 2 vendors so the 2 of us just continue have oral sex. things continue to go well and neither of us even realised one of the vendors (lets use fuckyourmotherjibye vendor 1) had sat down next to my fren and started consuming his shit. well no biggie right..share share loh no harm done.

so our conversation continues as per normal until out of nowhere..and i really mean NOWHERE, fuckyourmotherjibye vendor 1 who was beside my fren suddenly stated, and i QUOTE:

"ya'll finish eating yet anot? my fren haven't eat no chair how to eat?"

believe me when i say his tone was of the provoking type and may my wheels get stolen if i'm exaggerating one bit.

seriously...WHAT THE FUCK?!
the last i recalled WE were the customers of the hawker centre. last i knew its free seating as well. a quick check with my memory tells me THERE ARE FUCKING SEATS IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY WHERE YOU CAN LITERALLY REACH OVER AND FONDLE SOMEONE'S TITS IF SOMEONE SAT THERE! now assuming fuckyourmotherjibye vendor 1 isn't a fucking asshole, no amount of rational thinking would lead me to conclude why he puked out what he did. so we're sitting at proper tables directly in front of your fucking stall, how bout using any of the other tables that requires you to take (literally) 2 more steps to reach?? it translates to another half a metre away from your precious fuckyourmotherjibye stall. what? some bangla gonna run into an occupied hawker centre to steal your uncooked hae bi issit? even fuckyourmotherjibye vendor 2 was fucking paiseh when he heard that.

i don't understand...you'd rather piss potential paying customers off to save your colleague 2 fucking steps? so much for business acumen...so what if fiona xie took a piss in your wok before?? any dipshit that turns away from money needs to reconsider a career in shit eating. i'm definitely never ever patronising from this particular stall as long as i remember this episode and i'm gonna let as many as possible know about the crock business practices of stall fuckyourmotherjibye. maybe one day when i forget how to bear grudges...maybe.

pls people..don't give such fucktards your business. there're plenty other 'famous' stalls in newton selling similar foods. the same thing may happen to you one day and it'll be too late to regret giving your money to those louts at Stall Fuckyourmotherjibye selling some XO dunnowhat in front of Table 27 at newton circus.

fuckyourmotherjibye i'm pissed.

i like my car!

2007-02-16T16:02:00.000+08:00

fwah! i sign in to blogger as per usual and alas! rather than give me my old fashioned way of signing into upthelorry, the handsome fuglys at blogger.com decided that me using gmail was a better alternative to signing into blogger, hence forcing me to downgrade my account...

oh well all things considered...
LIM PEI IS A HAPPY MAN!! i now have authoritative experience in the fields of cosmetic extensions!

today i will take everyone into the world of zhng-ing cars.
zhng (cher-ng): to modify; bastardize; penis extensions

have a cheebic that looks too frenly? or a lanser with an owner that thinks its an evo? have no fear upthelorry is here to bring you the latest in zhng-ing teknologi; guaranteed to make you look as if you've got a large penis!

in today's lesson, we learn why having 2 exhausts is infinitely better than 1.

Here is exhibit 1...before the zhng! Note the lonely smoke hole totally unfitting for a Euro R replica.

First we needsta install the muffler tank. Only fools would assume just adding another pipe on the left would cut it. Noobs!

The welding process. You weren't thinking it was attached with superglue didja? After frolicking in SP for the better part of a year, i can actually appreciate what the professionals do.

Now to add the exhaust pipe. Also done via welding. Looks pretty different from the original pipe doesn't it? No fear that's what zhng-ing is all about --> how to make garbage look good!

And finally!!! Add on the Euro R exhaust pipe trunking and viola!! You're one step closer to making people think your baby's worth 10k more!!

nice hor? you'd be happy too when you see your baby grow up!

remind me again why we're at the top of the food chain...

2007-01-18T20:40:00.000+08:00

ok i need to ask a very important life threatening question...

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THESE NEW MALLS CLAIMING TO BE SOME KIND OF OMNIPOTENT METROPLEX????

we've got ngee ann city, suntec city, gain city, turf city, the oh-so-sweet vivo city, and now sporting hub velocity..

what the fuck is up with that? developers can't think of anything creative to name their billion dollar projects so instead just pick some random garble from a hat and throw a 'city' behind it to add some form of churlish grandeur to cheat the stupid peasants out of their patronage?

Gain City..what the hell?? some megaplex for anorexic shitheads to pack some meat in a jiffy??

Ngee Ann City a.k.a Takashimaya...why bother naming a building after a polyteknic, which only qualifies as a 'city' if you consider it in the term 'city of intellectually impaired' when the entire world simply singlishfies it to 'taka'...

Velo-CIty...what?? the fucking building grows legs and runs around batshit thus qualifying the use of such a word is it???

nabeh!

in that case i've a few suggestions for all those new up-n-cumming developments that haven't been christened yet..

hondacity...a place to buy shitty looking cars with shitty sounding names at a premium

audacity..new megamall to buy owtah shit like motion sensor taps and the like

intensity..like $1.99 shop..but everything is in multiples of ten

mohammad siti...token shithole for those who would fall below the bell curve

propensity...now you know where to buy all those professional looking pens with stupid names like montblanc

viscocity..perfect location to obtain an item called 'visco'

as you can see...its easy to be in charge of coming up with the perfect name befitting of a project worth millions and billions of dollars..all you need are balls the size of jupiter..give or take a few thousand kilometers..

wanna know the future name of that he-man wonderland integrated resort??

OSTENSITY (you heard it here first)

and He sayeth "Let There Be Light!"

2007-01-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

Amen.

p.s you WILL pardon the screwy look..facts before appearances after all

know your sperm count..

2007-01-04T21:08:00.000+08:00

presented today on upthelorry.blogspot.com is a list of things most of you induhviduals probably never knew but in all honesty should kick yourselves in the gonads for not knowing so..

i've done it..have you?

1. Rubbing non permanent markers over permanent markers makes permanent ink susceptible to erasure on a whiteboard

2. Car tyres all have the same outer diameter irregardless of the size of the rims you use

3. A larger count on "XX" in XX-24-36 says nothing about the size of a female's chest

4. Japanese bra cups != American bra cups

5. Some girls are even uglier with makeup than without

6. Tendons don't recover when its worn out

7. There's a parasite that makes women more promiscuous and attractive to men and makes men dumber

8. Fake semen is used in pornos..yes they MAKE fake semen

9. The AE86 is has very nominal specifications that wouldn't raise anyone's eyebrows

10. BMW stands for Barvarian Motor Works

..and thus ends Part I of an ongoing series of tidbit-sized value-added information..
praise and worship me for my noble deed..

nobility != humility

giving birth is jacksquat compared to this..

2006-12-28T17:13:00.000+08:00

omg evo kwok's evo got evo-ed!!!

i can imagine this sucking more ass than catching your girl in bed with some fugly meathead..
my condolences bradder...

-_-|||

i'm 12 fingers long..

2006-12-26T12:28:00.000+08:00

fucking ridiculous..abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous..
so i'm working on some assignment and from the corner of my eye i witness this profanity bleeding my precious sightbringers of their precious conciousness..

i'm talking about that stupid what-the-fuck-is-this 'Girls Out Loud' that apparently found its way into Channel 5's schedule..the one that stars that fugly hag blogger with this DJ chick. basic premise of the show revolves around them helping remind me why certain species of the fairer sex should be left out of the evolutionary path for the dead.

OMG its Beauty and The Troll (special edition bend-to-150cm posture)

thank you mediacock for such a value-add show that demonstrates the profanity the gahmen is willing to bestow upon the brainwashed masses..so Family Guy gets cut from air because it contains politically incorrect and sexual overtones but 'Girls Shit Out' gets airtime because you fags like to read posts blogged by some fugly nutlick who measures dick lengths based on her vivid imagination rather than hands-on experience...

well shit it doesn't matter..at least there's that other taller thinner chioer chick who's willing to degrade herself for the show to function..but its effin' appalling to see such shit on tv..the most recent episode apparently featured these 2 retards interviewing for some jobs..well that's nice it's good to see a show trying to teach young singaporeans how to make an impression while trying for a job...

*pre-interview preparations*

hot chick acting like a retard: "she hates to cover up..."
normal person trying to actually teach something: "you're wearing a camisole so you'll need a jacket.."
fugly even with makeup bitch: "can i not wear the jacket? it makes me less sexy!"
normal person trying to actually teach something: "the jackets' a must!"

*interview time*
Tip #1: If you're unsure what to do, the first thing to do is to try and flirt

*cuts to scene where the one who should hide behind a virtual curtain indefinitely attempting to remove said jacket from earlier* (why not use the other taller thinner one is totally beyond me..i'm sure the producers are fucking girls)

*role-play time*
interviewer: "where's my car? i've been waiting for over a month"
hot chick who acts like a retard: "have you spoken to the manager?"
interviewer: "yes i've spoken to every fucking person including the emperor of kalimdor!"
HCWALAR: "ok there shouldn't be any problem for you to take the car right now"
interviewer: "where's the license plate???"
HCWALAR: "oops didn't see that"
short fat ugly shitface: "its in the glove compartment!!"
interviewer: "glove compartment......"
SFUS: "that's right! everything's inside!"
interviewer: "....."
interviewer: "the door's locked!"
SFUS: "am i sexy?"

..........

and then there's this part about them trying to be telemarketers or something along those lines that require them to call random people to talk to them..

heartland dwelling housewife: "ni ke yi jiang hua wen mah?" (can you be low class?)
dumbass shortass fatass from RV: "err...err..."
(speaks to camera): "she wants me to be low class which was what my alma mater excelled at!!!"
DSFfRV: "okthankyoubyebye!"

knn!!

you might as well give me a prime time slot as well..i've this excellent programme in mind that will send ratings through the fucking roof! its a commentary on why senior citzens should take up dangerous hobbies/jobs and a special on overpopulation and why fugly individuals like those mentioned above need a vasectomy/ligation as soon as humanly possible..

taiko drums for the ps2

2006-12-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

Note to self:
Things I want for X'mas that I'll never get without spending my own money:

i. Honda Accord Euro R
ii. PS3
iii. Wii
iv. DS
v. Someone that pays me $1,000,000 to suck his manhood
vi. Nike futsal shoes
vii. Sony Bravia LCD HDTV
viii. Zelda Twilight Princess
ix. Metal Gear Portable Ops
x. All 6 billion seasons of The Simpsons
xi. Good weather on all sunday mornings until i decide otherwise
xii. Food and presents for orphans
xiii. Death to the loved ones of induhviduals i dislike

mykingdomforanos

2006-11-16T19:53:00.000+08:00

seriously..$1.8k just for a bootleg $5 Winning Eleven??!

dial 1800-E-A-T-M-Y-S-H-O-R-T-S

2006-10-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

my IQ offcially plummeted over 150pts today which kinda squares me even with the chap you often see in the back of the bus using his speakerphone to broadcast his lack of taste in music to the entire world (or the bus at least).

dood whappen??

aye..its back to the institution of lower learning again where *gasp* silly graduate degree holders like you n me attend some course meant for 17 year olds. yes yes the girls look like shit to complement the asshats who think that water parades involve a mass orgy of balloons filled with heych-too-ooooo.

shocking yes...i'm not too impressed with how it turns out no doubt....

apparently professionalism isn't a mantra practiced by certain tertiary institutions...unlike that practiced by oh say...CITIBANK?!
..thankfully my godlike image elevates it to somthing worth waving your panties over
..and yes the institution took this long just to invite us to get our mugshots in order to issue us the pass on the spot.

HEY HEY HEY!! DON'T BLAME ME FOR THEIR (in)EFFICIENCY I WAS NEVER PART OF THEIR TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC...
silly peasants!

nearly forgot...feel free to look me up there in your commendable attempts to teach me a lesson in humility..its not a long walk to walk from one faculty to the next =)

i not stoopid k? i come from good skool....

amazing isn't it?

peasants >>>> scholars

2006-10-08T15:38:00.000+08:00

indonesians are gaytarded...sorry i have to say this but indonesia has gotta be one of the most fucked up countries this side of the world. nevermind the fact that officially we're allies with them in case malaysia decides to get wiped off the face of the planet, the pockmonsters running the country are a bunch of clowns.

you know the haze? that cloud of shit that makes the island look like fucking genting highlands without the fucking nice weather? yea..you can direct all hostilities to those morons at the political helm of indonesia. let me get this straight..you don't fucking create a problem and expect other people to clean your shit up!

word life and all that shit..splashed on the front page of the Sunday Times is of cuz yet another article detailing who's gonna die when the PSI goes into the 100s..but something else caught my eye this time. there's a writeup that basically states that those indon pooeaters are totally helpless and in return ask all neighbouring countries to suck it up.

since when did politics turn into such a satire? are we paying a select few individuals a shitload of hard earned money for them to shove shit they expelled into our faces? of cuz not! else hsien loong would just be another scholar drawing assloads of money just for being alive. obviously such a simple mantra goes beyond modern understanding in that fucking peasant clownland.

"Our only hope is for the rain to come and douse the flames..blah blah...Regional governors and leaders have been called up. Ministers have been ticked off several times by the President..What else can we do?"

goodness gracious set my nuts on fire..i'm supposed to accept THIS as explanation for my neighbour's ineptitude? ooh hardcore shit..you fucked a few ministers and told them the haze is bad...then you wait for a fucking miracle which doesn't come and subsequently excuse yourself from all responsibility for a problem you fucking caused. hmm...logical and rational thinking aside...if i fucked your mother, do i call you an unfilial son of a bitch when you attempt (and fail) to kick my ass?

oh oh...here's sth even better..maybe they expect the smartest scholars of one of the most academically proficient countries in the world to actually BELIEVE they're putting in effot to curb the fires? or maybe its cuz i'm no scholar that's why i'm pissed that my tax dollars have to go into relief efforts to help some nation that expects God Himself to unzip his holy pants and unleash his Holy Pee that will extinguish all those forest fires...did i mention that they're putting in all the effort in the world by calling a few ministers into the president's office and calling them names? shit and the nerve of the 2IC to ask "WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO?" well maybe Kalla needs to fucking LISTEN TO FUCKING FEEDBACK that's like pouring in from ALL OVER the affected countries. no wait...why don't i start feeling all sad and shit and complain to my parents? den if the haze doesn't go away i throw my hands in the air and lament "WHAT THE FUCK ELSE CAN I DO???" oh woe is me...how i wished singapoo had this kind of shit logic too..den i could call hsien loong names and he'd get the rotten handshake that sends him packing to rwanda with nothing but LKY up his ass.

chocolate for the musical soul..

2006-10-02T17:31:00.000+08:00

the man of the house (my dad) recently returned from Suisseland..land of the oohs and ahhs where every local sucker dreams of landing foot there someday. financial mockery aside, he hauled back an assload of universal sin, or in colloquail terms, 'Chocolate'.

going thru' the usual stack of Lindt chocolates he normally buys, i came across this gem:
Camille Bloch Ragusa. Wicked milk chocolate cream wrapped in a chocolate shell with a huge ass hazelnut in the center. in short..probably the best chocolate in the world.

Camille Bloch Ragusa. Ferrero ain't got nothing on this baby period. You can tell its high society shit from the french sounding brand name and the inclusion of its founding year. 1929 was indeed a special year.

Packaging for the best chocolate in the world

looks like Jupiter with wrinkles..gotta love analogy

On a sidenote, if you read this and happen to be literate, GO CHECK OUT THE LIVE BAND AT INSOMNIA (CHIJMES)!! Nothing will prepare you for it. Those assclowns you see on Singapoo Malay Idol come across as tone deaf cheese eaters compared to this band. Did i also mention every single member of the band CAN sing? It also helps heaps that the female lead is comforting on the eyes too. Go check it out!

Her name's Shakira..or Beyonce..or Fergie..or J-Lo..or whoever the hell she wants to be

earth, fire, wind, water, fuck

2006-09-27T00:03:00.000+08:00

hooray for educated and uninformed decisions

there are rare occasions where it pays to be the intellectually challenged minority..make what you will of that.

congratulations singapoo-people! you've voted and remember...your votes count!
i love this shit where the power lies with the uninformed..we being the educated induhviduals wielding absolute pah-wah over whatever transpires on national television. we're all fucking captain planets!

i also happen to be an acceptor of differences so mark my words having another mat-yoyo representing singapoo as her i-Doll gets my panties in a tangle. that's a GOOD thing by the way you uninformed person you. did i also mention i find the churlish banter of the void deck mat-yoyos interllectually stimulating?? how'd you think the term 'genocide' came about?

yours truly is absolutely proud to be a singapoo-person where we always fight against established systems to help the underdog. which other modernised nation can boast having TWO consecutive ITE doods as the pinnacle of vocalism?? hah! our neighbours up north you say? alright then...which nation can also have some blind superman as the pinnacle of yellow vocalism? aha!! gotcha!!

NOOB!

and you take offense when a white guy thinks singapoo is some village residing within malaysia....

we are the sons of the sea(men)

2006-09-24T15:16:00.000+08:00

navy guys are a dumb lot..
forget all the propaganda garbage you see on the trains and media..we're all a bunch of retards trying not to irk the higher powers that be.

phase 1 of the rest of our lives concluded recently and i almost shit myself while reflecting on the intial safti phase. 'Best Little Navy in the World'?? good grief i beg to differ. with young occifers like me 'defending' all your civilian behinds, you know you're in for a world of pain when our best buddies up north decide that their country isn't worth showing up on the map any longer.

so what did yours truly accomplish the past 5 weeks that did not involve bending the laws of physics? good question...i have no fucking idea either.

sometimes we share vital information regarding whether we can go home early

occasionally we enrol for Housekeeping1101

naturally no course would be complete without the standard 'class photo'..

..and other informal shots of course

you don't expect a course NOT to have group work right??

...that culmulates in a final assessment for DollUpUWhore1101

and guess who debuts as himself..

dont even ask me what the fuck is THAT

you didn't think a military man wouldn't engage in sports did you?

and bonus points to the tall guy for demonstrating how to play against foreigners

no course would be complete without the 'class bonding' BBQ...

..neither would it work without someone getting fucked for being himself

all in all...not the best 5 weeks i've had in my life but ain't nowhere near the worst 5 either.
so what's next for the defenders of the country? typical saf behavoir to split and send us all on 'specialized' courses where we learn interesting things like 'What is a ship?".

i'll be starting this 5.5 month Graduate Mech. Engg (GME) course at singapoo poly from tmr onwards. funny thing though, the few of us get to go as civilian students for half a year. gotta wonder why i even bothered to shear my locks...

Thought of the Day: See a poly guy, Whack a poly guy

go go power strangers!!

2006-09-24T13:54:00.000+08:00

hmm...
what do you do when you see the current love interest of your ex lighting up on one of them sticks of doom??

why...laugh my tight behind off at the irony of cuz! *lol*

somewhere out there slimer is saying "touche"

when life throws you a lemon, throw it back with a few rocks included =)

where have all the flowers gone?

2006-09-24T01:08:00.000+08:00

aww shitz...i haven't blogged in a tamade long time..

weird stuff..it would seem like an invitation to assume there's insufficient hours a day to allow my posting of random manliness on upthelorry...

lol (fuck this netspeak shit) i'm such a lazy bitch i'd probably need to get paid before i put up all the sexy garbage that goes through my omg-what-the-hell mind of mine.

awesomeness knows no effin' boundaries.

krazee akustiks

2006-08-18T21:56:00.000+08:00

it's awesome to hear the Super Mario Bros. overland theme playing on the neighbour's piano while having breakfast..
good times my fren...good times indeed..

and i just shat my pants...

eugene will kill you one day..

2006-08-11T00:47:00.000+08:00

kan ni nah beh i fucking hate jibye smokers!!
there i go making another fuck extreme statement..difference is i fucking mean every single word of it!

wait let me rephrase..
kan ni nah beh i fucking hate jibye *inconsiderate* smokers!!
ah..that makes more indian sense now.

what the fuck is wrong with all you jibye lan jiao smokers who fucking don't use whatever polyteknic-ite morsel of a fuck brain to before you decide suck on a lanjiao???

HELLO...GOT PPL AROUND YOU LEH!!
nah beh i den dun give a fuck if you love fucking your own health up cuz i think you macho puffing dipshits deserve to fucking die as early as humanly possible, but please la...GO FUCKING SMOKE IN SOME CORNER WHERE THERE'S NO FUCKING PEOPLE WITHIN A 50M RADIUS OF YOUR JIBYE BODY CAN ANOT??

i mean what the fucking puu bor man?? you cockfuck smokers all fucking know non smokers HATE 2nd hand smoke...so you trying to be a tampon eating jibye intentionally si boh?? "oh nehmind lim pei the smoke if lim pei don't mind i fuck care what those around me think.."

EH FUCK YOU LA YOU THINK YOU'RE ME AH??
until you fucking can match intelligence/looks/achievements/wit/temper/finances/cock length/car/soccer/guai lan/...with me you better fucking know your place unnerstand?? and even if you think you're just as fucking awesome as i am, let me assure you you're already fucking wrong! I WILL FUCKING RAPE ANY SMOKER AT FUCKING ANYTHING!
don't believe me? just try me. if anything i'll just beat the living fuck out of your tar filled being just because i can. no seriously..challenge me if you think i deserve to have my testicles ripped off because oh..i dunno..I HATE INGESTING YOUR FUCKING ORIFICE SEWAGE!!

chao jibye citizens should be given the legal right to fucking smash ANYONE regardless of age or sex in their defective reproductive organs with wound inflicting implements as long as they even possess in their possession anything even remotely associated with fucking cigarettes in public. you fuckers wanna smoke?? do it at home where nobody can fucking kill you legally. hopefully you'll kill whoever you live with 2nd hand smoke first motherfucker!!

gahmen wanna try to ban smoking at even more places now...i say why the fuck even try to be discreet about it?? JUST FUCKING BAN SMOKING EVERYWHERE IN SINGAPORE OTHER THAN THEIR HOMES OR DESIGNATED YELLOW BOXES WHICH AREN'T WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE OF ANY LOCATION WHERE ANY HUMAN HAS NORMAL ACCESS TO. as if the gahmen gains any fuck thing by slowly eliminating smoking in bars and clubs. i say FOR FUCK??!! all these motherfucking poseurs all go disco clubs to purposely smoke and gek lan jiao seh. zouk..mos..dbl0 all are basically clusterfucks of puffing dickheads. you ban smoking at these places only making the clubs lose business. so in the end what happen? establishments basically don't give a fuck, let these unclefuckers continue smoking against the fucking law.

what do these policy makers know about 2nd hand smoke anyway? everywhere they go they're escorted by a whole entourage of cocksuckers. even the jibye 2nd hand smoke need to get license to go near these invincible morons. take it from the fucking suffering public. ban smoking at all eating places..at bus stops..places where people are stagnated for periods of time at once. and how to enforce this law? read the fucking above paragraph about the injury wounds to the genitials fucking retard!

i don't go around fondling every chio bu i see even though i'm addicted to good sensations around my reproductive area so why the fuck are smokers allowed their goddamn fuck 'addiction' in public? at most i outrage the modesty of some retard girl who can't enjoy a rabak or two but she sure as hell won't see the coffin any earlier than planned.

I Will Own You At Every Game Possible

2006-07-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

holy sacred cow of viknesh!!

its been a whole month since *hypocritical asshooolism* got an updai-to! ironic..considering those days were predominantly spent preventing myself from choking on air..the boring type that is. oh heck nobody's perfect, even though i've been labelled one previously multiple times by those who ironically again, wish nothing but multiple stab wounds across my genitials.

ignoring the retards who forced my good friend Mr. English to include 'doldrums' in his repetoire of wordy goodness, there's pretty much nothing exciting happening, unless you count the Fifa World Cup as something to shave your pubics over. fear not however, as yours truly still retains his darkness of youth. yes so Italy won this time round, no complaints there. i've always advocated their team use since Winning Eleven 6, so its no groin cruncher that they won. better them than france anway. damn frenchies.

did i mention the whole world seems to have gone gobsmacked silly over the host country Germany? oh i'm sorry..that's DEUTSCHLAND for you purists. nowhere on God's brown earth can i find the home jersey any longer. holy shit it seems everyone's jumping the bandwagon now and thinks Deutschland are the ass smackers of the world. or maybe the nice jersey design had something to do with it. well it doesn't matter. apparently everyone and their mothers (myself included) like to pretend that they're young upstarts that will eventually take the world by nazi storm. or maybe they think Schweinsteiger is the new name for the Playstation3.

not me though..i happen to support Germany's golden boot boy Miroslav Klose.
yep and i know anyone reading this will immediately go into a nonsensical diatribe and claim that he's nowhere near the top world class players. well no shit sherlock nobody ever said you only could only support the *best* team or player. neither would i liken myself to him. yes, he's tall and good looking (only not that tall), sports a mean ass header, dons the fabled 11 jersey and has one of the best attitudes on the pitch (yeah go fuck yourself Zidane lovers), but i'm a chinese and he's a german and that's a big enough difference.

oh yea...shocking revelation

Nightcrawler = Klose

don't they look alike now??

not alls good in deutschland though..adidas has proven itself worthy of the shitty-workmanship-yet-high-in-demand moniker along names like Nike and...hmm guess that's it. after 2-3 short months of once-a-week usage, my adidas court shoes have begun their journey to branded hell. as usual, the soles are tearing in all the wrong places (heel for gawd's sake) and its only a matter of time before i start wondering why my skin's disappearing from my sole. awesome! adi dassler would be a proud man.

so what does any materialistic snobbish good for nothing singaporean do? why buy Nike again of course and convince himself that this time, it'll be different. if calculations are correct, i should be obtaining my next pair of adidas by october. yup..convincing i am.

worship me..for i am shallow and materialistic just like the rest of you.

$15 bucks for this??!!

2006-06-27T12:23:00.000+08:00

ballacks!! and i thought this world cup would be the one that proves why football is the world's most popular sport to those basketball toting fools..

quite ironic really..the past few days saw the start of the knockout rounds as the world's best football teams race for the final 8...and yet all matches so far less the trumping of them swedes by the germans have left much to be desired..is it just me or have all the matches played in the knockouts so far been uninspiring..? 1-0 victories most of them nothing much to write home about for the average football fan saw 3 teams through to the quarters...with ukraine having to resort to penalties (PENALTIES goddammit!!) against a swiss (SWISS!!!) team...

am i the only champ who found the qualifiers much more exciting to watch..??

*don't even get me started on that P.O.S team that is england*

template for perusal

2006-05-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

recent shenanigans have caused me to re-evaluate the concept of friendship.
what is friendship?
the mutual acknowledging of each other's existence?
nah..too generic.

how about one of the core tenets of society that spur the study of socialization?
too scientific.

perhaps the wilingness to throw oneself in the path of inconvenience in place of another?
nope...too emo.

obviously 'friendship' isn't gonna have some easy be all end all definition everyone will agree on. i'd like to envision myself as someone who's eloquent in both verbal and written dialogue but the truth is, no one will ever be able to define 'friendship' in such a way that no one else will feel compelled to disagree, much less myself.

are there expectations in friendships? i would think so. the more important question to probe is are these expectations a result of mutual understanding between 2 parties or an imposition by one on the other?

'i expect my friends to be loyal'
adopting a normalistic approach, i would assume such a statement would be viewed as 'correct' or more aptly put, 'universal'. there would be little contest to the validity of this statement and in short, everyone's happy.

now what about this?
'friends must accept me for who i am'
generally speaking this statement can be regarded as correctness of the political kind. it is entirely possible to walk up to anyone you deem a 'friend' and yell such a mantra into their face and be able to walk away unscathed. however, does 'acceptance' equal 'embracement'? i don't think so. i can accept the existence of indians but it hell doesn't mean i'm gonna adopt their ten thousand gods, friend or no friend.

therefore, cast into a similar light, doesn't the above phrase translate into the causal interpretation of 'i'm supposed to accept whatever bullshit my friend throws at me because he's just being himself and even though it pisses me off, i'm still all fine n dandy just because he's my friend'?

to compound things further, what if my expectations of a friend differs from my 'friend'? how then do we resolve the acceptance of someone as a whole without going against our own personal expectations? compromise? how then do we decide what to compromise, the amount of compromise by each person and the value of compromise put forth by each person? in the end, both parties do not achieve the satisfaction desired although some mutual point may be reached.

in simple terms, if my 'friend' can't measure up to my universal expectations of a friend and i'm supposed to accept him for who he is, am i supposed to lower my expectations or is he supposed to measure up? or do we compromise and i lower my expectations of a 'friend' and he changes into someone he's not? its not hard to see that both parties end up getting screwed over.

in the end, who's right and who's wrong? or are we both right and wrong? do we impose our expectations on our 'friends' and expect them to conform to our universal standards? or are we just being constipated shits who can't accept someone dear to us who doesn't accord to those universal standards? in hindsight perhaps we may have been too harsh..or too lenient however way you put it.

i think we need to consider for a bit what exactly makes a true 'friend'.
i may feel too lazy to communicate with my gf for a day or two but does it mean i don't love her?
it may sound really hypocritical but i fear we may have been harping on the small trivial things and neglecting the true instances when friendship truly came through...

this time its really WoW!

2006-05-23T10:41:00.000+08:00

you just knew it had to happen..
perverts and social misfits rejoice!

happy tree friends

2006-05-17T11:42:00.000+08:00

Life's been generally funtastiko the past couple weeks. Soccer's been the main highlight each week with days in between serving as rest up for the big weekly game. Luckily the cbk's frens all qualify under the 'mad' category which allows me to enjoy futsal almost every other day. Gawd I love the holidays. But then again..who doesn't?? Other than the half million or so twits who clamour for full time holiday jobs, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who'd rather listen to 50 year old mankeys talking about fluid dynamics or shit lydat..

So the cbk, his dumbass fren jianqiang and myself are enjoying each other's gay ass company at holland v where we inadvertently end up at Starbucks. There's this elegant good looking barista over the counter who naturally catches our prying eyes. Under normal circumstances no sane person would trust the cbk's taste in girls but since I was there to validate his claim, you can safely assume she's fairly hot since we all know i'm the benchmark when it comes to rating members of the opposite sex.

So anyway, being the prepubescent little shits we are, we spent a good few hours accessing her background; her age, where she lives, whether she shaves, if she swallows etc. you know the drill. Naturally the cbk and jianqiang were sent downstairs to buy the beverages while i took charge of making sure i was all comfy. They return with my banana frap and we waste another few hours contemplating how shitty both their lives were. In summary, the girl was deemed too tall for the cbk so the impetus fell on jianqiang to get into her pants.

A little background about jianqiang whom I'll unfortunately refer to as 'JQ' henceforth. He's another soccer regular who gets to bed bizad chicks (figuratively) on a daily basis. For some reason he doesn't eat any form of meat and majority of veggies so he generally just eats shit for nutrition. Additionally, like practically all my friends he's never had a bed buddy* before so understandably getting him to approach the barista is akin to cutting his own scrotum.

Regardless time wasn't on our side so we had to adjourn the operation for another day. As luck would have it, we happened to have a game yesterday again so it gave us perfect reason to wind up at Starbucks again. Yep behind the counter there she stood again in all her black n green glory. Sitting downstairs directly in front of the kaunter this time, the cbk and me wasted no time and egged him on.

Alas, the stupid shit suffered from JLS** and we ended up wasting over an hour deciding how to break his legs come sunday. It was like JC all over again, except we weren't donned in awesome colours. Sufficient to say JQ was a stuttering idiot and made no moves to cucuk her. In the end, the cbk just got up and approached her directly which ironically made JQ look even dumber in retrospect.

woohoo!! we finally got her name and convinced her we weren't a bunch of perverted misfits!
i forgot her name already but she's 26, which is surprising since we concluded she was an incoming freshmen awaiting entry to nus. holy bollocks she was even older den me! in fact she even thought we were some poly kids which kinda pissed me off since 1. i'm from ACJC and 2. i'm really not as stupid as i look.
but den again i'm not that surprised...i look exactly the same now as i did in JC so booyalaka!!

shit i almost forgot the entire point of this post and i'll get right on to it..
turns out not only is she 26..she's already got a husband banging her brains out at home. @_@
i wasted a few hours of my life sitting in Starbucks with 2 morons giving lessons in testicle growth only to find out she's married? holy shit i'm gonna slide JQ to handicap land this sunday.

in off tangentism news, my gf who's already part of the working community still gets picked up regularly by hamsum young men on the streets on a fairly regular basis. i really should be jealous but hey if poly kids think my gf's young looking enough for them to lust after, should i really complain?

i am fucking handsome and i love the holidays.

"Jianqiang you fucking HUMJI!!!"

*otherwise known as girlfriend/gf/charbo

**Jason Leong Syndrome

love for kountry!!

2006-05-07T01:07:00.000+08:00

lalalalalala
LALALALA~~~

=D

2006-05-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

Take a moment of silence and be thankful for all your loved ones. Give them a hug or something the next time you see them. You never know when something may happen and you lose someone special forever.

I just completed my final exams today, bloody difficult paper if I do say so myself. All things considered I should be happy like a lark right now. But shit happens, and sometimes it just craps all over the place.

My roomie lost his dad in a car accident yesterday, right before his final paper.

Shit.

I'm not good with these sort of things so I can't really express what I'm feeling. I can't say I know how he feels and I hope I never will. We were just studying like usual in the library yesterday and suddenly my roomie's without a dad. Sometimes God just shits over the mortal realm. I pray to Him to take care of my roomie's dad in return for devastating his life.

So take some time off and spend it with your family. Its unworldy traumatic to lose someone dear to you without even seeing him or her one last time especially if you haven't been home in weeks.

Wii are the Revolution

2006-05-01T12:45:00.000+08:00

Nintendo recently unveiled the official name of its newest upcoming Playstation3 un-killer, replacing the oft quoted 'Revolution' that the gaming industry has been lapping up over the past year or so.

Pronounced 'we', Wii now replaces Revolution as the new moniker to address the new Nintendo system. Here's what Nintendo had to comment on the adoption of this name.

Looks like fanboys are gonna have a field day of angry masturbation at this newest outrage. How come its only Wii? Where's the 'Nintendo'? Why is it pronounced 'we' but spelled like 'why'?

Only time will tell..wait for May 12th.

'fellatio' doesn't mean 'fella-tio'

2006-04-18T15:01:00.000+08:00

i really need to kick back and relax more often.
having papers spread a full week apart really slows the exam pace down dramatically i.e i'm hardly studying at all. gone are the days when i knew the library closing jingle by heart.

my last 3 official weeks as a student before i bid happy days farewell and dive into a sea of mundane occiff politiks where the only times a smile escapes me occurs on fridays at 430p.m. but hey, i've ranted about the the advantages of working over mugging before so i'm gonna keep my double-standards mask today and stick to my values for once.

so is yours truly eggcited about ending institutionalized education?
yes and no.

the condensed version of 'no' basically goes something like this:
final year final semester is damn slack & hence exam fever doesn't affect me. if all previous semesters were like this i would pursue a Ph.D in any-damn-thing without even considering. therefore, student-ism rocks!

the eggciting detailed rant of 'yes:
no more exam stress = no more senseless worrying over nothing. of course there are twats already working who'll stop at nothing to correct me that workplace stress >>> exam stress. hey no contest there...my dad comes home from work at 11pm average each day.

however, if you know the great eugene well you should also know that he doesn't really give a fuck what happens in his military career stint. Vroom's Expectancy Theory explains the concept of workplace motivation and in summary this is what it says:

Motivation = Valency x Instrumentality x Expectancy
Instrumentality refers to the degree of belief that performing certain actions/tasks will lead to certain desired consequences e.g carrying the boss' balls will lead to a quicker promotion
Expectancy refers to the worker's belief that some desired outcome is affected by the amount of effort he puts into a task e.g if i use arial instead of new roman the boss will be impressed and the project will succeed
Valency is the amount of importance or value the worker places on the consequences of the desired outcome e.g i want that fucking promotion so the damn project better be a fucking success!!

needless to say, a high valency, instrumentality and expectancy will lead to a high level of motivation. similarly, a very low value for any factor will lead to a low motivation level, regardless of how high the other 2 factors are. do the math, there're no concepts involved.

so how does this affect me? pretty simple. SAF is a regimented industry where only the brightest rise to the top no explanations needed. now as a graduate i can pretty safely predict that being a good worker will lead to me being recognized somewhat by them bosses. so instrumentality scores pretty well.

next, its common sense that those who do the most work in the saf are those at the very bottom. while the colonels and generals have coffee picking lice of each other, its the men and junior officers running around doing all the goddamn work that the colonels and generals take credit for later. so naturally, the harder i work the more the project/mission will succeed. (but of course, if i wasn't the one doing the work who would? the generals?)
chalk up one for expectancy as well

finally...valency. well i don't think i really need to explain anything. lets just say my saf career motto is 'xxx days to quitting without having to pay liquidated damages'. its a long story and i won't bother explaining to morons why i don't intend/never intended to pursue my servitude in the military as a real career. maybe i'll explain it in 2011.
Hence, valency -> 0

Solving,
Motivation = V x I x E = (0+)(high value)(high value) = effin' small number

so in summary, i will experience no stress because:
1. i don't give a fuck what my boss thinks of me
2. i don't give a fuck about promotion
3. i don't give a fuck about my colleagues since i've already got a loving gf
4. i would like nothing more for them to terminate my contract voluntarily so i can leave w/o paying damages
5. 4 will never happen so in any case i'll keep my job and pay anyway

did i mention i'm getting paid for this too? not bad for a first job eh? and after i quit and find a proper job, them interviewers will see that i've been in the military the past few years and therefore come to some obscure conclusion that i possess leadership skills and have strict self discipline (hey a former chief of defence force gets employed as an executive CEO of Singtel just because he's a former military man so don't ask me how employers think). win-win for me..awesome! doesn't hurt that my grades right now aren't half bad either.

so yes, i'm eggcited about graduating. the only non-eggciting thing?
babes & buddies won't bother to keep in touch even though after work they'll have ab-so-fucking-lutely nothing to do. somehow 'effort' to them is only a concept applicable in the workplace but non-related to maintaining interpersonal relationships.

you're probably stupid 2...

2006-04-15T16:39:00.000+08:00

this came out in the New Paper 11th Apr 06.

lets not be hypocritical and tell ourselves that JC, POLY, and ITE students are technically all equal in social standing and intelligence. that's right its time to stop kidding yourselves and yea, i'm probably referring to you.

so the story goes some retard called 'Redpony' starts a flame war after basically commenting that poly students are fucking dumb compared to the JC elites. the tirade of enraged comments from poly, ITE and even fellow JC students created enough stir for the NP to publish a story about it.

i think what's amusing isn't the fact that Redpony singlehandedly fucked himself in the ass with his comments, but the fact that so many people got agitated enough to bother to flame him.

c'mon...

Said user n34tsd: 'Whether they are from the poly or not, it's wrong to stereotype that poly students are dumb, childish and that they can't make it to JC."

Said Rambo2001: 'You think JC student so good, ah? In fact they are worse - they can't even think logically. They only know how to memorise books. So what if you are good in memorising but your mind is not flexible? You still lose out.'

well that's interesting..
so is Redpony's 'If someone can't even meet the minimum cut-off (points) to enter a JC, it's just plain sad.' wise truth or just immature babbling? try answering that without trying to rationalise your answer.

if memory serves me right, the cut off for JCs in my time was 20 points; maybe its 200 now who cares i'm sticking with 20 to avoid being labelled 'sarcastic'. lets break it down for the science stream if only because i came from there:

20 points for 6 subjects (including English and at least 1 Humanities). That would average out at around B3 for each. Now everyone knows that O lebber English, E and A Maths, and hmm...practically almost everything except Chinese and Humanities was a godgiven. Getting A1s and A2s for these subjects was as guaranteed as clearing a module in NUS.
Well do the math (haha...how witty) and its quite obvious getting less than 20 points for O Levels is about as easy as inhaling oxygen. If you fucked up a subject, perhaps you got a B4, easily compensated by your other subjects.

So it implicitly means that students who scored over 20 points are at the far end of the academic scale. Now i'm no genius (haha..another witticism) but i do know that a fraction of poly students did in fact score much less than 20 points, some even better than yours truly and chose the polyteknic path. Now it wouldn't be fair to call them retarded just because they wanted a polyteknic edukation, it IS a society of semi-free choice after all.

Therefore, technically Redpony is right and wrong. He is right in stating that those heroes who scored over 20 points are in fact comparable to a block of wood, but he's wrong to insult those who chose to go there on their own accord. So why the angry flames? All Redpony did was state the half truth.

My guess is probably 'n34tsd' and 'Rambo2001' (hahah wtf?!) probably felt sore because 'Redpony' happened to hit a raw nerve of truth when describing the 20-overs. If psychology has taught us anything, those who react the strongest to generic comments are the very ones who hold the same comments in truth, and become all sore and shit when someone else says it out. Don't believe me?

"ARTS STUDENTS ARE FUCKING STUPID WHO DON'T KNOW SHIT AND GET FREE DEGREES"
"NTU STUDENTS AREN'T EVEN SMART ENOUGH TO ENTER NUS"

ooo...strong words from me. what? you gonna beat my ass? think i'm immature and gay? think i heard 'faggot' from the back there..
damn! point proven again.

you, me, our parents, and LKY himself all know the sad truth that is Singapore's education system. we hate to admit it, but that's a sad fact of life. when an average ITE joe becomes the PM of Singapore, i'll allow you peasants to disagree with whatever i've said but until then...

shut up. ponder. reflect and you'll understand that while Redpony may have acted in a mean (ooo...scary) way to his less academically inclined compartriots, its a serious case of 'blame the person, not the action'.

"hey JC students are retarded too...we draw pictures on the roads!"

p.s I think Redpony's a fucking retard personally. Who in heck plays a fucking Korean online game and starts a flame war? oh yea...and why is someone as manly as 'Rambo2001' even playing an online game and getting pissed at some JC twat?

have you hugged your Nintendo today??

2006-03-31T00:46:00.000+08:00

gaming is underrated.

how many people can truly relate to the essence of videogaming?
when was the last time anyone picked up a controller and gave the finger to 'other priorities'?

i just spent a quarter day gettng lost within Mario Kart Double Dash. i've a wicked quiz this coming tuesday and exams are in a couple of weeks. and yet i feel immensely satisfied i spent the past 6 hours throwing shells at dinosaurs riding go-karts.

for anyone who remembers the ol' days when weekends comprised of unadultered fun where controlling a fat plumber in overalls meant another fruitful weekend of pipe crawling, i have but one question to ask...

have you hugged your Nintendo today?

p.s if your first experience with videogames started with a 'P' and ended with 'laystation', the essence of videogaming is a concept lost within all your Grand Theft Autos and Winning Elevens.

woot! woot!

2006-03-23T13:02:00.000+08:00

machaim 3 weeks since last blog-ded..that must mean nothing interesting's been happening..

yea i wish i were kidding too...

its been years since i set foot on the beach..and weeks since i last had a game of soccer..and a few centuries ago since the last gathering/outing/whatchamacallits..

i wish i were exaggerating too...

but one interesting thing did occur tho'...on the hallowed street soccer courts of NIE where i had the chance to shame the other miscreants on the court again..
..but this time was slightly different..there were boobies on the court as well..and not those poseur type whore byatches you find at those sports club street challenges who do jack shit except sit at the sidelines and wonder how many guys have eye fucked the shit outta her..

no people..i'm talking about boobies who run sweat and shout with the boys..who display actual soccer skills that are capable of making a fool out of some guys..
yub yub...i got a chance to play footy with a few IVP soccer chicks (well not 'chicks' descriptively but figuratively) and holy shit that was an eye opener..

nah don't get me wrong they didn't run circles around the boys or anything like that..neither were they any better den a typical team of male retards..but when a girl takes a ram to her chest and still manages to control the ball..that's something to cheer about and something you NEVER EVER see again...

did i mention it was only 2 of them who each scored BEAUTIFUL goals?? a chested volley for the first and a direct blast from the other...and i'm not talking about those of the fruity kind but the kind i typically find myself displaying BOOYAH!!

yea and as a sidenote...if any of you tools think i'm blowing my horn..feel free to receive a humbling lesson in soccer..feel VERY free to jio me for a game..cuz its been weeks since my last game..

end of off-tangentism..

anyway..yea...my first time playing soccer with girls..girls who actually know how to play the beautiful game..who make intelligent passes and dribbles..who dare to use their precious heads to make contact with the ball..who can actually make lesser males look like crippled faggots on the court...

i look forward to playing soccer with girls again...and for once there's no hidden sexual message within...

help make a difference..

2006-03-05T17:30:00.000+08:00

...ok i need help..big time..
its crunch time for all final year losers (and 1 champion of cuz) and white haired shitdongs (WHSD) (otherwise known in colloquial terms as "supervisors") are expecting them to shit out whatever space bending thesis/results they've acquired so far.

my personal WHSD recently compared my 1 year's effort (ok..i lied..how bout 2 months) to the stuff you find malays rummaging through each day as you walk by the foyer (or 'void deck' whatever its called). if memory serves me correctly, my WHSD who has a PhD in labelling-effort-as-garbage implored me to redo a certain portion of my fyp called 'user study' a.k.a 'the most time wasting but need loads of effort cum requires the help of outsiders for their input'

so this is a desperate student's plea for volunteers to participate in a user study that is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things but determines the fate of the (read:MY) world. all you need to do is read a comic and fill up a questionnaire..simple as pimple no?

anyone's that free during the daytime of the weekdays may apply because i've basically booked the lab for 2 weeks straight (sans weekends cuz the admin are lazy assholes who aren't willing to let me hold on to the key)...
oh..the lab is in NTU by the way which i know immediately erases any notion of helping me from your mind instantly but yea..i've got no choice about the location so pls bear with it yea..? if i could do it in NUS or at home why the hell would i even consider considering doing it at NTU....?? i'm not out to make life difficult for myself as i'm sure everyone's aware..

so yea...anyone kind enough to donate around half hour of his/her time to help me pass my FYP pls contact yours truly...i'd leave my number but only champions would read this and all champions would know me by default (but of course)..

"thanks" in advace..
and "fuckyou" if not applicable

will rage for free...

2006-02-17T12:29:00.000+08:00

having absolutely nothing to do with the post title..you peasants should know i seldom blog song lyrics unless its a goddamn beautiful song..

go download it now!

Hitomi Wo Tojite by Ken Hirai

asa mezameru tabi ni

kimi no nukegara ga yoko ni iru

nukumori wo kanjita

itsumo no senaka ga tsumetai

nigawarai wo yamete

omoi KA-TEN wo akeyou

mabushisugiru asahi

boku to mainichi no oikakekko da

ano hi miseta nakigao

namida terasu yuuhi kata no nukumori

keshisarou to negau tabi ni

kokoro ga karada ga kimi wo oboete iru

Your love forever

hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo

sore dake de ii

tatoe kisetsu ga boku no kokoro wo

okizari ni shitemo

itsuka wa kimi no koto

nani mo kanjinaku naru no kana

ima no itami daite

nemuru hou ga mada ii kana

ano hi miteta hoshizora

negai kakete futari sagashita hikari wa

mabataku ma ni kieteku noni

kokoro wa karada wa kimi de kagayaiteru

I wish forever

hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo

sore shika dekinai

tatoe sekai ga boku wo nokoshite

sugisarou to shitemo

Always my love

Your love is always in my heart

You're my everything

Your love forever

hitomi wo tojite

kimi wo egaku yo sore dake de ii

tatoe kisetsu ga boku wo nokoshite

iro wo kaeyou to mo

kioku no naka ni kimi wo sagasu yo

sore dake de ii

nakushita mono wo koeru tsuyosa wo

kimi ga kureta kara

world class education indeed!!

2006-02-06T13:50:00.000+08:00

normally i'm too lazy to focus my thoughts into something coherent for blogging so pardon the lack of interesting perusals on upthelorry..maybe the fact that my Tecra is on the fritz of just going batshit haywire on me plays a part of me being online less often these days...oh heck..i mean i'm sure its unreasonable as hell to expect a $3000 piece of hardware to last more than say..half a decade..

damn vendors!

so i'm happily in the library silently cussing the lack of hot chicks to fantasize about while all them happening jappy looking hunks of manmeat stare at some random screen from soccernet or type some email licking OSA's balls for a placement in hall..fucken' losers!

anyhow..there was this hoo haa in the papers over Sumiko (yamete!!) Tan's column about top schools giving better education over neighbourhood schools and how the teacher's from schools like RI and HCI are more dedicated than those under the MOE umbrella..

*ahem* who the fuck are you to say schools like RI are capable of giving better educational programs than Sengkang Secondary School? or more appropriately put..who the fuck do you think you are to basically condemn hmm...say 90% of teenagers islandwide?

how bout some fucken' common sense for a couple of minutes..
RI attracts plebeians who manage scores of over 260 for those PSLE exams..while SSS takes in 150 Normal Tech flunkies under their neighbourhood wings..

i suppose under the half fuck cheenapockie jippun logic this translates into RI produces better students than SSS because RI teachers can make 260 point students score well for exams but MOE teachers can't make 150 Normal Tech underachievers score less than 50 points for their O Levels..

fuck you understand??!!

hey why not try having RI elitists and SSS malays exchange schools instead? yea..i'm DAMN SURE AS HELL RI would remain in the top rankings because of its dedicated super duper teaching force and SSS will continue to suck eggs because all the teachers there only know how to fuck students for having long hair..

wake up your fucking idea la singaporeans!! RI may have a better reputation than SSS but that's more to do with the FUCKING BRILLIANT 260+ POINTS FOR PSLE FUTURE PAP COCKSUCKERS being lumped in a single school than RI teachers giving them wholesome education that SSS teachers can never hope to match...chao jibye i know a few teacher frens who're fucking dedicated who didn't join the teaching profession just to gian peng the good fucking pay who get posted to neighbourhood schools to teach.

guess what?? they've got no fucking choice in the matter!! usually these teachers get stuck teaching the same normal tech motherfuckers while the more 'senior' teachers get the express classes. yea i sure its THEIR fault that they're unable to produce good results given the fucktype students they have to work with in the first place. my teacher fren once told me..i semi-quote (since i can't remember the whole fuck thing)

"in class i spend more time disciplining the students than teaching them; they just like to get up and walk around class for no reason because these normal tech students are very restless and can't focus for long. its like a culture shock for me, last time i chinese high where got such thing one? where got student dare to just stand up and walk around class when the teacher is in class?"

print and burn and fucking swallow these words you elitist parents/columnists/editorialists/politicians cuz it summarizes what i wanna say perfectly clearly:

you don't compare the capabilities of different teachers based on the collective results of students who are from totally different demographics. i could jolly well swagger my way into the top RI classes and throw them the 10 yr series without teaching them jackshit and they'd still walk all over those normal tech punks academically. does that make me a good teacher?? apparently i am in sino-chinese terms.

teaching is a noble profession that deserves respect especially from all those educated high ranking pissants..it's true that a good teacher manages to stimulate the desire to learn in his/her students but its also true that some students just plain don't give a fuck about their education. it is also true that any schlongmonger like Sumiko Tan can produce a class of good results if she's given students who're already fucking brilliant to begin with.

bite me!

2006-01-12T01:06:00.000+08:00

its one thing to rain;
its another thing altogether to rain continuously;
its an entirely different issue once it rains perennially over the course of multiple sunrises!

when the suns' out you could engage in a multitude of different outdoor activities..well basically you could do practically any damn thing..
when it snows it opens up an entire different spectrum of totally ratshit awesome stuff to do..sledding, snowfights, snow days you name it..
when God rips em' a new one and sends typhoons and earthquakes upon us schools and offices stay closed for the duration of the natural disaster..

but when it rains?
we stay indoors and invent new profanities to project our misguided annoyance.

i hate the fucking rain! 3 moons of non stop Heaven piss whaling down on the mortals...too light to cause school closing floods or power cuts but too heavy to do any damn thing outdoors without slipping to death first.

since all my views represent the major demographic, i factually state that nobody likes the fucking rain! even those untanned health hazards who fear IPPT more than being eaten alive by angry rats hate falling water. last i heard the reason given was because umbrellas were getting too heavy for them to hold over their stupid heads..maybe times have changed now and they're complaining about their shoes getting wet or something..

well we can't fuck with mother nature without breeding some half man half animal monstrosity so the only alternative would be to convert all indoor halls into street soccer courts. nobody gives a shit about basketball or floorball and that hardcore game girls play where they throw this ball around and hope their stationary sports bra wearing opponents dun happen to be standing exactly in the ball's path..

then at least i'd get some fucking exercise that's OUTSIDE the goddamn bedroom.

i fucking hate rain!

p.s next week, armed with only a flashlight and a set of pliers, i shall demonstrate where self righteous twats find the source of their political correctness.

beng & his blob

2005-12-31T17:37:00.000+08:00

today i see clander & realise its the last day of the old 2005 year...arbo in a few hours its oreddi new 2006 year!!
so its only courtestee to wish everybodi

HAIRPEE NEW YEARS!!

i think here n dere den i realise this is a super shitty year...the USA got typeoon rosak their oil drilling machines in the end car oil prices rise..now stupid 1.6L toyota pump one shot over $60 bucks!

nabeh!

last time $40+ only now price increase by so much!! jibye those atas universiti enginears must quickly invent those hybrid car..hybrid cuz can run on electricity and patrol! they should make one run on man juice as well..den next time no need line up like monkey for 20% discount..just think of sexy ger with big neh neh den got feul for the car liao!! but i think the driver muz very powderful..need to produce a lot of man juice..haha i think next time can modify car to run on blood also after no more man juice..

and den got death of that ex man u player gorge best..wah nah beh play football only when die got so many ppl sad...jibye! i think next time that cannot sing cannot act fucker edison chen die all the superfishal char bo all committ seeside while us manly man celebrating!!

but end of the day i think the first one to up the lorry will be Lee Kuan Yew...he so fucking old liao but machaim cannot die one...i remember last time read in the newspaper he quote that even if he die-ded, he will still rise from grave to fuck ppl in the backside if the PAP cock anything up! Lee Hsien Loong you better be careful dun allow anything bad happen, or else your old man will shove his man meat into your PAP backside!! LKY that guy superman la! budden so what? when he finally dies..all we concerned about is whether will delcare public holiday or not...! haha!

so yah 2005 cannot make it...i hope 2006 will be better!

and here got 5 good reason why 2006 will consperm be worse for anybody who is not me:

1. lim peh finally gonna graduate this fucking year from jibye univesiti

2. SONY PayStation3 gonna come out and destroy those aqua who play ass-box

3. Funorama XVIII!!! dunno why they cannot just use '18'..trying to atas..knn! Febrary 18 hor!

4. Surf n Sweat 2006!! see bikini babes while kicking other ppl ass at beachvolley!!

5. lim peh turn 25 liao finally can declare cat Y when doing ippt.

enjoy your NYE!

year end blues

2005-12-23T00:57:00.000+08:00

somebody call the festive polis!!
krismas this year isn't festive none!!

am i the only one who's noticed it??

since time immemorial..krismas has been the sole bastion of justice to an otherwise donglicking year..a beacon of luminary pleasure for all self respecting humans to look up to..a time for societal slaves to clear their leave and pretentious atas individuals to lament the conclusion of yet another term break...

yes my frens...the year end is a wonderful time indeed...

which makes it even more offensive that your truly isn't feeling the festive-ness...where's that anticipation...where's the krismas high?? goddamn birth of christ is just a couple of DAYS away and i feel nothing...no krismas tree...no krismas shopping...no krismas parties...no NOTHING fuck damn it!

i feel like something just got robbed right under my nose.

in town there's all the prerequisite lights and doodads and whatnots that effectively turn orchard road into something that would give barbie an orgasmic shock but it doesn't do shit for me...i don't have that "wah jibye i damn love krismas la!!" feeling whatsoever...

lets not be superficial and mouth off that its cuz i'm in final year or i've got fyp breathing down my balls that's creating this lack of goodwill-happy type feeling..it goes deeper than that i'm afraid..the overglorified time waster cannot be compared to the shit the older folks have to endure at work and yet they're soaking in the festive season...just take a trip to MS to convince yourself..

Dear God who lives up there,
bless me Father for I have been a little asshole,
i have committed all forms of atrocities that border on many planes of morality,
all while neglecting to go to your place of worship to sing songs and listen to your messenger preach,
maybe this is Your way of making me realise its time to reflect on the past,
to ponder all that has transpired by sealing my festive mood,
i have no right to beg for anointment but yet that is all i can do,
so help lift this burden off my shoulders,
to get thru krismas and face the new year afresh.
Amen.

isn't it awesome?! don't ask me why in hell did i just vomit out a pseudo prayer on a blog...it just came outta nowhere...which makes it even more awesome!!

ja!

the best self help technique in the world is to simply ask for it!

2005-12-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

to anyone who might read this:

if you're good with FLASH and dun mind making a couple hundred bucks...pls leave a contact or sth in the comments and i'll get in touch with ya..

this isn't some trivial quick-money-making-without-requiring-any-effort-type scam in case you were wondering..

COMMENT PPLE!!

timely reflections...

2005-12-06T09:51:00.000+08:00

gawd i love this song...most meaningful i've heard in years..

"You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

My life is brilliant.

My love is pure.

I saw an angel.

Of that I'm sure.

She smiled at me on the subway.

She was with another man.

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,

As we walked on by.

She could see from my face that I was,

Fucking high,

And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,

When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,

I will never be with you.

2005-11-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

yay...first official post with my new comp...

now lets just see whether it works as good as it looks...
its a nightmare learning how to dive into a totally new OS...
..but on the bright side i've finally got sound again...ah sweet muzik...pouring out from the monitor...

but overall its gonna take a pretty long time to learn how to work mi way around all the new fangled BS that comes with a Mac..and even longer before i finally upload all them backup files from the Tecra...

sigh....

but yep...lim pei is happy today...

and ya..sorry for the incoherence in my wordings....can't be bothered to structure mi sentences properly...
and since we're on the off tangent topic...

WATCH ADVENT CHILDREN PPLE!! IT FUCKING ROCKS!!!

have you lost your identity too...?

2005-11-26T02:23:00.000+08:00

aye...recently i've come to realize that being from Anglo Chinese Junior College actually does more harm than good..

in a month or so i'll get to celebrate my official status as a J6 (or is it 7??)....nah scratch that...there's no such thing as a J6(7)...let's take it from the top again..

i'm currently a final year engineering undergraduate pursuing a degree in one of the 'world class' universities...pretty awesome right? i have the privilege of tens of thousands of others to be in the top 5% of the academic spectrum...and no doubt tens of thousands of sets of parents are beaming with pride that their son/defective son gets to be one of the very few and very privileged to receive a university education...

so since the present is now...'now' being 2005...it doesn't make any logical sense to hold on to self inflated memories from half a decade ago...viewing them through rose tinted glasses in an attempt to block off the truth about this concept called 'reality'..

i've been reflecting quite a bit recently..reflecting the events that've transpired since the turn of the new century..and brutal honesty towards oneself led me to the conclusion that not only did ACJC give me the 2 best years of my life...it probably screwed the next 20 years in the process as well...

naturally...critics of greatness will find heightened planes of arousal picking out all the loopholes they've found...the morally self righteous will casually lament that i myself am the cause of my own problems...and to their credit there lies an element of truth within their nonsensical banter..
those who utilise their cranium's grey matter before mouthing off may point out that circumstances beyond our control simply force us to grow up against our (or at least my) will..and the only way to circumvent the problem is to jump straight in and enjoy the maturing process while you're at it...
finally...those whom i call 'friends' are able to look beyond the physical unholy creature that i am and see someone who has had his world snatched from him just because!

but its time to stop running from the grip of reality...its time to accept what i've been avoiding for so long...one by one even my closest buddies who literally breathed a similar mantra to mine have discarded such puerile notions and moved on to immerse themselves in tertiary life...

ACJC...you have given me a great many memories...ones that i will cherish forever...feelings that tertiary life cannot and will never replicate...however you are but a past chapter...the climax of a story that has long since concluded...it would be unfair to use such a baseline for comparison...

i am now an undergrad who studies in the library...
i am now a person that needs to make sacrifices...
i am now friends with people who draw distinction between work and play
i am now no longer an ACSian...

i am merely....me.

yea haul my ass to court...

2005-11-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

eugene doesn't feel like updating cuz he read acs is becoming mixed...
that means there'll be females studying with the acs boys...

.....WHAT??

oh...nevermind...knodwick just confirmed that acs(i) will still remain an all boys' institution..but another acs(i) is comin' up....and its gonna be called...wait for it....

ACS(int'l)....

woohoo!!!!
there's gonna be 2 ACasses along dover road...
twice the trouble for pitiful FMSS just down the road...

but what should i care...? i'm not an acs boy...but news is sporadic these days...
other than terrorist attacks/riots that singaporeans don't give a shit about (but refuse to admit) there's really nothing essciting to talk about...

recently that 'singapore's hottest blogger' issue came up in the news again...so i figured locals are gonna go batshit loco and google the term 'clapbangkiss' without abandon...and since i'm an opportunist...

I FUCKED PLASTIC SURGERY DAWN YEO SILLY!!

that should lead more google retards to this site to read about more pressing issues like me cussing like a mad hyena that just got its testicles devoured by vicious predators..

tsk...singaporeans!

....

2005-11-14T12:18:00.000+08:00

KAN NI NA BU CAO JIBYE!!!!!!!

FUCK MECHANICAL SYSTEM DESIGN!!!!!
FUCK IT TO HELL MOTHERFUCKER PUA JIBYE!!!!!

inconsequential musings

2005-11-03T20:39:00.000+08:00

technology is a mere tool of Man that serves to further impede the progress of higher evolution..
"automated" is the common buzzword now..and computers will soon fabricate an alternate reality a-la Matrix and turn us all into plant fertilizer...

but i digress.

i recently had a chance to take the driver's seat in a brand new 2.4L saloon..and like a typical local bumpkin i proceeded to check out every knob and button hoping there was one that allowed it to transform..
unfortunately..technology hasn't evolved to the point where it allows 24 year old kids to communicate with their machines in any ways deviant from mathematical language..

so to keep engineers in their job...technology now gives consumers such essential conveniences like automatic motion sensing taps that only activate after you pull your hands away in disgust..

here are some of the new innovative features installed in the aforementioned vehicle that allowed a few more engineers to receive their paychecks..

1. auto darkening rear view mirror
wow...normally its just an ordinary mirror that lets the driver see the face of the moron tailgating him...but once light shines into it magically darkens to prevent the resulting glare from blinding the driver...especially from idiots who're unaware their high beam is turned on..

since headlights usually only come on after 7pm each day...the Oakleys rear view mirror is usually permanently darkened...i guess engineers are pretty fashionable after all...following in the footsteps of those shades toting chiongsters by giving us magic mirrors that further impede vision in the dark...excellent.

2. auto wipers
traditional vehicles usually have different wiper speed settings for different rain conditions...sporadic timing for light drizzles...and batshit insane for apeshit rain..this normally gave the driver control over how fast he wanted the wipers to be...

technology now takes control away from the driver by automatically choosing a wiper speed for you based on how heavy it feels the rain is...no more manual choosing of wiper speed to suit your needs...the car now takes care of that decision for you..
caught in a light drizzle? no problem watch the wipers swipe like there's no tomorrow...you see those dipshits who seem to have their wipers set on full speed in a moderate drizzle? no fear its probably just a case of computer logic overriding common sense..

3. cruise control
this feature's been around for quite a while already methinks but since the jalopy i drive doesn't have such a feature i'll just add it here..
what it basically does is allow the driver to set a cruising speed for the vehicle and voila!! the car just cruises at that speed without the driver having to control the pedals...jack daniels can have sex in the back while his intelligent car just cruises along without human input..too bad the vehicle isn't smart enough to detect an obstructing object and apply the autobrakes and autosteering to autoavoid the autoaccident...so therefore the driver still needs to be in his seat to man all controls less the pedals...

its ironic how some car labels have used the 'ultimate driving experience' moniker to describe their state of the art vehicles...where all it does is take away even more control from the driver..
within a couple of years we could probably do away with driving licenses altogether since we could probably just get into a car..telepathically tell it where you want it to go...and proceed to have an orgy in the back as the smart car autonavigates its way to the destination...

...which is why i champion Lotus...in particular the Elise...
no automatic gear...no power steering...no power windows..no automatic seats..no nothing!
just a wheel..gearstick..pedals...and the driver...

that my friends...is the ultimate driving experience...and its fitting that it costs twice as much as the most advanced BMW to date...

long live the pumpkin king!

2005-10-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

"hypocritical asshooolism" wishes everyone one heck of an awesome Halloween!!

its blasphemy Oct 31st isn't declared an international holiday..its the only time people can be their natural selves without risking a testicle torching..
Halloween ranks only below Christmas and CNY in terms of importance and today really should have been a holiday with tues and thurs reserved for post-Halloween celebrations instead of harivali or was it deeparaya...

..oh well whatever..

enjoy your Halloween week!

"mac-ni-fique"

2005-10-27T02:33:00.000+08:00

my faithful tecra has since committed virtual suicide so its time to consider getting a PC...
but no ordinary pc mind you...nothing as mundane as the latest pentium gabillion with graphic cards that put the as of yet unreleased playstation3 to shame...

its time for a macintosh!
(but i need to justify to myself why first)

who the hell plays games on a PC anyway...?
counterstruck is for chumps and woecraft is an excuse poor people use when they can't afford to invest in a real gaming platform real games...seriously..how many FPS (read: fucking piece of shit) and kommand and konquers do we need...

i prolly won't have any use for all those weird foreign programs us engineers are forced to learn in order to do horseass things like simulations and drawings...its not like my future jobs' gonna require anything remotely related to what's-it-called-again-oh-yah-engineering..

hmm....i think i'll still need MSOffice in the future tho'....but no issue there...last i heard there's actually an OFFICIAL microsoft endorsed MSOffice for the mac...no shit...so i guess no worries there..i'll still be able to format all those resignation letters...

so what's REALLY important for a personal computer...?
- net surfing
- media player
- msn
- good aesthetics
- cd/dvd burning capabilities

them slugturds who make claims that their laptops are crucial academic items will be kicked in the mouth repeatedly...
our institutes of lower learning are all equipped with the necessary equipment to ensure all students have access to whatever academic programs they may require...and its all FREE...
but i'll leave the pothead bashings to another post...

and yeah big tits rule!!! find me a guy who prefers a chick with a meatless chest and chances are he doesn't exist period... gawd i just love off-tangentism!!!

so off to the mac-market we a-go...to bring home the most expensive media enhanced paperweight of my entire life...

i pity da foo who believes that his/her mac is an actual useful tool instead of a really chio display piece..

on a side note...i'll be keeping my tecra handy too which'll be used for any actual work i may be required to do in the future...you can bet your panties that SolidWorks, Matlab, Ansys, ProE, Unix, Endnote, Autocad etc will work fine with the trusty toshiba....all except media player...

oh well...don't mix work and play together...

blasto from the pasto..!!

2005-10-22T16:04:00.000+08:00

chewren these days are spoilt little assholes!
just imagine...while you played catching years ago at the local sanded playground or void decks...kids nowadays have their ass-boxes & pee-ass-twos to while their redundant time away..

while us champions had to wait till we were around 16+ before we even knew about the convenience of a handphone...brats now are wireless connected to their virtual world with the 6 billion devices they carry on themselves...

times sure change huh...

in the interest of preserving history...let yours truly take everyone back to a time when mutated turtles with ninja powers were an awesome idea and '2 player fun' meant smashing a controller over your partner's head when he stole a life from you in contra...

if the stuff presented on upthelorry are foreign material to you...take pride that you're probably some asinine punk who had a pretty pathetic childhood comprising of power rangers and pokeshit...

nutella

sure..its still widely available in those big glass jars but this old school version is hard to come by..no such bullshit as applying the chocolate goodness on bread...this version encouraged greedy kids to pig out directly from the package...simply peel the top off and indulge in 3 minutes of sinful pleasure...

do you remember.....trying to lick off every single bit of nutella left from the little plastic box and getting shit all over your mouth?

Ding Dang

whoever said piracy is a modern day social problem obviously has never been exposed to the awesome 'DING DANG' before...other than blatantly pirating everything from the name to the appearance...this champion also had subtle sex messages hidden...that 'DING DANG' had 2 massive chocolate salty balls that were obviously too large for his puny legs to cover..

and the insides...

words fail me.. for 50 cents you received 3 chocolate looking ovals and some rubik cube like thing...i realised that if i savored a single chocolate oval a day...the snack would last me THREE ENTIRE DAYS....pretty worth it for half a dollar no?
gotta love those old school shit...

do you remember....buying this because you didn't have enough spare change but simply HAD to buy something from the mama shop...
DING DANG served as a consolation to the macdaddy of all old school choc-snacks....

TORA!!!

holy shit i nearly pee-ed myself when i saw this...this was the king of choco-snacks for old school kids below 12....weighing in at ONE FUCKING DOLLAR...this was the most expensive (other than the magnolia spacecone) P.O.S most kids could afford at that time...
hey its not our fault our stingy parents only gave us a buck or so each day in premby school...

fitting in nicely with the totally logical choco-snack boxart of the 80s....here we have a pencil with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides....
a spoon sucking pencil with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides...
a spoon sucking pencil with a truss dick with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides...
(wassup with sexual messages and 80s choco-snack boxarts?)
guess the manufacturers felt 'TORA' was a good description of a spoon sucking pencil with a truss dick with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides...

anyway TORA seems to be scooping up (oh! once again) chocolate looking balls from the ground...though from an engineering standpoint it'd be impossible for TORA to do that...what with his obtrusive dick negating any form of forward bending....it must be retractable or something...just like in real life!! seriously..with so many sexual messages being diffused into our small minds over a decade ago...is it any wonder why we're such a horny generation now..?

anyway...

rather than waste another camera shot...i decided against taking shot of the chocolate ovals that came inside the package...its exactly the same as DING DANG...only with a few more ovals included...but i've got one of the toy that came with it..some bear like thing with magic limbs with a big letter 'J' adorned on his sexy red breastplate...i shall call him 'Jimbo' and he shall be my bestest fwen ever...

whazzat?? Jimbo just told me there's a reason behind all the piracy and illogical boxart...
"look behind me.." he said...
alas....

when there's something strange....

in your neighbourhood...

who you gonna blame...??

MAH-LAY-SHIA!!!

when there's something weird...

and it don't look good...

who ya gonna blame...??

MAH-LAY-SHIA!!!

peace.

'refuck' is the way to describe it..

2005-10-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

there's been an electronic exodus around me lately...lots of electronic stuffs' been headin' to the shitter with no solution in sight...

it all started when my MMC card just went all batshit hoefuck that forced me to send all my ringtones and wallpapers into a virtual shithole...so now yours truly gets to gyrate to generic nokia tunes whenever one of you bitches call...

now that wouldn't be a problem since i'm such a genius and could easily reinstall all my tones/pics via my laptop's holy infrared butthole...but hey hey..when it rains it fucking vomits and the IR port no longer works....whoop-dee-fuckin'-doo!!

subsequently...since IR and Yamaha are gay bed buddies...my laptop's audio driver decided to just pull a (p)rick and vanish into thin air...awesome ain't it?? so not only can i NOT send media into my fone...i can't even listen to em' anymore...somebody call 1900-FUCKTURD

oh well there's always porn right..?
someone shoot a malay in the nuts my internet connections gone the way of mahathir...straight to stupid cyberhell...is it my connection? the router? my laptop? or maybe some higher powers just shoved a holy dildo up my arse since its 'fuck-around-with-greatness' week...
i'm hoping my sporadic connection holds up at least until i publish this post...

what's worse is there's been a spate of unholy shit happening that i need to wail about right now....
fuckshit like the MANGINA WHORESLUT CUNTFACE who got 2 heroes arrested...
what about ERP being operational till 8pm along Orchard Road everday...
or HDB dwellers acting like total malays complaining over shit private housing dwellers couldn't even be bothered with...

just wait for my connection to recover....expect the irrepresible byatches!!

you can't buy JAV dvds in singapore..!

2005-09-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

yes i do realise posts have been at best sporadic lately..blame it on the shatloads of irrelevant BS i need to study/research/submit for the dubious 'honor' of letting some o-level educated clerk type a few lines about me achieving blah blah for something on a piece of paper...

yep life's a big irony if you're a big picture person like i am..
did i mention my urge to unleash a horde of tasmanian wolves on the sadistic fruitcake who came up with the concept of 'final year project'?

totally kickass post to follow....soon.

healthy hobby..

2005-09-05T01:58:00.000+08:00

wah...lim peh si beh siao on beachvolley leh..
tup pai pai lak pai jit ke sentosa pah khiew..woo lang kong si beh shiong..mae wa ki siao..kio wa hor hor tak chek score A...

LIM PEH KIO LI JIAK KAO SAI LIAO KAI BO!!

pai yi kao pai knor lim peh tak chek...tup pai stressed...boh lesson liao ke library cho work...cho kao library ah soh kong 'siam ah! library kweh liao!'...
ke sentosa ke 1 day ngiah li mae wa ki siao? nah beh li sio pak si boh!! lim peh lup nang boh cheng hu...lup until tor hwee...until chiew kah long zong bay sai eng!

jit jit ke sentosa pah khiew si beh hor...eh sai nong ka ki orr orr..siang anoneh pae yor..si beh healthy..

yi tao ma woo char bo...chieng bikini lou jin zui bak...nah beh bak chiew beo liao machaim essplode TERBABOOM!! budden lim peh bo kwa la...wa char bo peng you saht saht boh chio...si beh chio...boh beh zhao!!

saturday sunday poon woo jin zui lao kao...pattern liao liao as if machaim si beh saht...
arbo yi nang long zhong bay hiao pak khiew...tup pai lao chiew...
kan ni nah body an neh zui ang kong machiam si beh fierce kan poo bor beachvolley also bay hiao sng...kam lan jiao la!!

lim peh im zai an zua pak beachvolley an neh hor sng...sng liao si beh song...
yi tao ma wu brother...ma see tup pai ke sentosa...lim peh ka yi nang cho peng you...gai xiao gai xiao frenly frenly...ke sentosa bay kia boh nang pak beachvolley..

arbo li nang woo any beachvolly competition hor gai xiao kah wa kong...lim peh sibe interested.
kum siah hor!

"ni nah beh jiak wa eh tok kong khiew!"

if you're rich i probably don't know you...

2005-09-02T11:04:00.000+08:00

"..."
if you're of the petty overly-sensitive kind..you'd do well to stop reading right about now lest you drive yourself to chop of the tip of your penis with a mini-guillotine from my next rant..

-----------stop reading like right now if you fall in the above category-----------

due to my egoistical nature..each time i see some young punkwhore speeding past in some random 2 door coupe..my blood pressure rises..

Reason#1..why am i driving a 4 door vehicle that's only the most common saloon on the roads right now AND its not even my own in the first place..?

Reason#2..why do these punkwhores look like yokozuna just face-fucked them in all possible orifices..? is there some natural law that states ugly people be uber rich to offset the travesty which they stare at each day in the mirror..?

ok..since nature is in the picture for Reason#2..i'll just accept it as another one of those 'world-is-fucked-up' things and move on...i mean how else will they get a chick into bed..? by being nice?? *insert hysterical hyena laughter*
after all..we see pretty hot whores holding hands with freddy kruegers all the time..

on to the Reason#1...
i think its pretty pointless to insult myself for my inability to own a chick magnet since i already feel pretty crappy as it stands so i'll expand Reason#1 in another direction and ask the question "why don't i know many people who drive...much less an eye turning one?"

they say students from the best school in the universe are rich...so hmm...how come none of my JC buddies own a coupe..? are people's perceptions about the best school in the universe wrong..? or do i hang out with individuals from the other end of the spectrum?

now...i'm totally glad to know the people i do..and sex couldn't force me to sever ties with them..i merely find it weird since there're so many goddamn coupe's on the roads and yet i dun know a single person who does..

the only explanation..?
those coupe owning fuckers won't bother to know a low class plebeian like myself..

one more year...

"hypocritical asshooolism"

Facepalm Lvl: Over 9000

Facebook is a magnet for idiots

Gamble Ramble

And then I grew up..

Great Redeemer

go watch 'Monga' & thank me later

31 Jul 2010

pimp my room

major post coming this Fall..

the Nintendo kid

Singaporeans..

Piracy sucks balls

TERMINATOR STYLE

think getting rojak poison is bad??

WORD!

famous last words..

yep i ain't dead yet...

i have a face that scares children..

bite the bullet & buy the integra MORON!!!

*muacks*

up yours..

"kept you waiting huh..?"

who da man?!

writer's block

outstanding off days = 17

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start

uh..so random..

public service annoucement

i'm mcLovin' it

Make It Happen

like...ha-ha funny

hell froze over

paradigm..

MFTSOI

some pics are tombalik..don't ask

imma military man..

quickie...

fuck is wrong with you ppl...

i love everyone..you included!

donch mind me..i siao one!

a dialogue says a thousand pictures..

LETS GET DANGEROUS!!

ZHNG YOUR RIDE PART TRES'

yes!!! yes!!! yes!!!

don't shoot the messenger...

zhng your car part deux..

bandwrath

someone needs to slap ettiquete in the face..

i like my car!

remind me again why we're at the top of the food chain...

and He sayeth "Let There Be Light!"

know your sperm count..

giving birth is jacksquat compared to this..

i'm 12 fingers long..

taiko drums for the ps2

mykingdomforanos

dial 1800-E-A-T-M-Y-S-H-O-R-T-S

peasants >>>> scholars

chocolate for the musical soul..

earth, fire, wind, water, fuck

we are the sons of the sea(men)

go go power strangers!!

where have all the flowers gone?

krazee akustiks

eugene will kill you one day..

I Will Own You At Every Game Possible

$15 bucks for this??!!

template for perusal

this time its really WoW!

happy tree friends

love for kountry!!

Wii are the Revolution

'fellatio' doesn't mean 'fella-tio'

you're probably stupid 2...

have you hugged your Nintendo today??

woot! woot!

help make a difference..

will rage for free...

world class education indeed!!

muacks