---political correctness of the highest order---
just imagine...while you played catching years ago at the local sanded playground or void decks...kids nowadays have their ass-boxes & pee-ass-twos to while their redundant time away..
while us champions had to wait till we were around 16+ before we even knew about the convenience of a handphone...brats now are wireless connected to their virtual world with the 6 billion devices they carry on themselves...
times sure change huh...
in the interest of preserving history...let yours truly take everyone back to a time when mutated turtles with ninja powers were an awesome idea and '2 player fun' meant smashing a controller over your partner's head when he stole a life from you in contra...
if the stuff presented on upthelorry are foreign material to you...take pride that you're probably some asinine punk who had a pretty pathetic childhood comprising of power rangers and pokeshit...
nutella
sure..its still widely available in those big glass jars but this old school version is hard to come by..no such bullshit as applying the chocolate goodness on bread...this version encouraged greedy kids to pig out directly from the package...simply peel the top off and indulge in 3 minutes of sinful pleasure...
do you remember.....trying to lick off every single bit of nutella left from the little plastic box and getting shit all over your mouth?
Ding Dang
whoever said piracy is a modern day social problem obviously has never been exposed to the awesome 'DING DANG' before...other than blatantly pirating everything from the name to the appearance...this champion also had subtle sex messages hidden...that 'DING DANG' had 2 massive chocolate salty balls that were obviously too large for his puny legs to cover..
and the insides...
words fail me.. for 50 cents you received 3 chocolate looking ovals and some rubik cube like thing...i realised that if i savored a single chocolate oval a day...the snack would last me THREE ENTIRE DAYS....pretty worth it for half a dollar no?
gotta love those old school shit...
do you remember....buying this because you didn't have enough spare change but simply HAD to buy something from the mama shop...
DING DANG served as a consolation to the macdaddy of all old school choc-snacks....
TORA!!!
holy shit i nearly pee-ed myself when i saw this...this was the king of choco-snacks for old school kids below 12....weighing in at ONE FUCKING DOLLAR...this was the most expensive (other than the magnolia spacecone) P.O.S most kids could afford at that time...
hey its not our fault our stingy parents only gave us a buck or so each day in premby school...
fitting in nicely with the totally logical choco-snack boxart of the 80s....here we have a pencil with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides....
a spoon sucking pencil with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides...
a spoon sucking pencil with a truss dick with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides...
(wassup with sexual messages and 80s choco-snack boxarts?)
guess the manufacturers felt 'TORA' was a good description of a spoon sucking pencil with a truss dick with 2 frisbees stuck to its' sides...
anyway TORA seems to be scooping up (oh! once again) chocolate looking balls from the ground...though from an engineering standpoint it'd be impossible for TORA to do that...what with his obtrusive dick negating any form of forward bending....it must be retractable or something...just like in real life!! seriously..with so many sexual messages being diffused into our small minds over a decade ago...is it any wonder why we're such a horny generation now..?
anyway...
rather than waste another camera shot...i decided against taking shot of the chocolate ovals that came inside the package...its exactly the same as DING DANG...only with a few more ovals included...but i've got one of the toy that came with it..some bear like thing with magic limbs with a big letter 'J' adorned on his sexy red breastplate...i shall call him 'Jimbo' and he shall be my bestest fwen ever...
whazzat?? Jimbo just told me there's a reason behind all the piracy and illogical boxart...
"look behind me.." he said...
alas....
when there's something strange....
in your neighbourhood...
who you gonna blame...??
MAH-LAY-SHIA!!!
when there's something weird...
and it don't look good...
who ya gonna blame...??
MAH-LAY-SHIA!!!
peace.
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY??
-e|even¹¹-
