And I'm not referring to the usual ungracious behavoir (littering, fake-sleep-to-avoid-giving-up-seat-to-elderly etc) or typical self-righteous higher-than-thou bullshit.

Let's talk about something closer to home: GIRLS! And those of the pageant winning variety.

Little Ms Credit-Card-Fraud Ris Low has been churning headlines recently with her less than commendable exploits that bring into question her character slash values. Then there's the whole issue can't-speak-for-shit Engrish where she uses awesome verbal diarrhoea like 'Boomz' while parading around in a 'bi-gee-ni' (bikini). And motherfucking Singaporeans are going apeshit having a field day deriding her and questioning all forms of gods how such an atrocity can ever represent Singapore on the world stage.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?!

I hate assholes who couldn't string a goddamn sentence together if the fate of their genitials depended on it just as much as the next guy. Trying to understand them is like being in a Vietnamese market (or NUS SRC on Saturday evenings), all you hear are pots & pans clanging. Shoving my fist down their throats would be a community service to everyone, and I won't even demand recognition or gratitude.

However, whining on about Ris Low only solidifies my opinion why most Singaporeans should be barred from accessing the internet permanently. While the economy is in a recession and ERP gantries are sprouting up randomly, these retards are spending man-effort whaling on a fucking 19 year old with delinquency issues and a speech impediment.

HELLO!!!

Stop being a 2-faced son of a bitch and ask yourself why the hell you tune in to beauty pageants in the first place. Hell, why is it even called a BEAUTY pageant in the first fucking place? Yeah, I'm positive the lot of you are looking for interllectual stimulation while watching hot bodies jaunt around in little 2-pieces. More like self-stimulation. S-Factor got a shitstorm of crap for netizens and the media on being brain dead and sexist, and its ratings still kicked the ass out of National Science Challenge 200X. I seriously wonder why...

Beauty pageants (being BEAUTY-FUCKING-PAGEANTS) are nothing more than avenues for pretty young things to use as a platform to secure a cover spread on Singapore FHM, ambassador for children rights be damned. I couldn't care less what the judges or contestants feel about the role or integrity of a beauty pageant is but to a consumer sitting in front of the TV, pageants are simply glorified eye porn, where you have BOTH hands to yourself while a professional cameraman does all the necessary zooming and panning.

Don't believe me?

Ms Nuraliza Osman, winner Miss Singapore Universe 2002 redefined the word 'flaccid' when she beat all other contestants. Singaporeans were apalled that someone who looked so plain would beat out so many other much hotter jaibait. Of course, the pre-requisite "How can such a plain looking person represent Singapore?" made its necessary rounds on the media too. 

Here was a brilliant young lady, poised with impeccable English and impressive credentials behind her (think she's like some big fuck lawyer or something), who gave one of the best answers (so I've heard) ever in the final round of interviews. Judges were floored, Singaporeans were nodding their heads in amazement at her answer while the then hot favorite Callie Sui Yong gave some retarded answer about nasi lemak.

And there we were with our pitchforks and torches ready to chop our balls off at this atrocity.

When Jessica Tan was crowned Ms SU 2007, everyone seemed happy. Here was someone that had the looks with a brain to (almost) match. Then the controversy (no not her rich pilot bf) over what she would wear at the Miss Universe came up. Once again, we went on a witchhunt simply because the designer of her national dress was some young unproven designer. Naturally, "How can we allow someone inexperienced to design a dress for Ms Jessica Tan to be worn on the world stage?" would sound familiar to most of you.

Singaporeans are just attention whores with too much free time on their hands who believe that every goddamn thing in the world owes them an anwer. Does it really fucking matter if Ris Low couldn't speak good English to save her life? Is her persona any different now than if she had not engaged in illegal shenanigans? Most imporantly, is she bloody hot enough to qualify as a worthy contestant in a BEAUTY pageant? Would you feel better if the Singapore rep hands down beat the reps from other nations in the looks dept or some butt ugly mandark who could give responses that would put the Queen to shame?

Want Cheap, Want Good, Want Everything reminds me of a certain organization I know of.

Tall, pretty, slender, stupid = fail

Pretty, slender, smart, short = fail

Tall, pretty, smart, slightly plump = major fail

Tall, smart, slender, plain looking = total fail

Tall, smart, slender, pretty, no breasts = EPIC FAIL