---political correctness of the highest order---
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
happy tree friends
Life's been generally funtastiko the past couple weeks. Soccer's been the main highlight each week with days in between serving as rest up for the big weekly game. Luckily the cbk's frens all qualify under the 'mad' category which allows me to enjoy futsal almost every other day. Gawd I love the holidays. But then again..who doesn't?? Other than the half million or so twits who clamour for full time holiday jobs, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who'd rather listen to 50 year old mankeys talking about fluid dynamics or shit lydat..
So the cbk, his dumbass fren jianqiang and myself are enjoying each other's gay ass company at holland v where we inadvertently end up at Starbucks. There's this elegant good looking barista over the counter who naturally catches our prying eyes. Under normal circumstances no sane person would trust the cbk's taste in girls but since I was there to validate his claim, you can safely assume she's fairly hot since we all know i'm the benchmark when it comes to rating members of the opposite sex.
So anyway, being the prepubescent little shits we are, we spent a good few hours accessing her background; her age, where she lives, whether she shaves, if she swallows etc. you know the drill. Naturally the cbk and jianqiang were sent downstairs to buy the beverages while i took charge of making sure i was all comfy. They return with my banana frap and we waste another few hours contemplating how shitty both their lives were. In summary, the girl was deemed too tall for the cbk so the impetus fell on jianqiang to get into her pants.
A little background about jianqiang whom I'll unfortunately refer to as 'JQ' henceforth. He's another soccer regular who gets to bed bizad chicks (figuratively) on a daily basis. For some reason he doesn't eat any form of meat and majority of veggies so he generally just eats shit for nutrition. Additionally, like practically all my friends he's never had a bed buddy* before so understandably getting him to approach the barista is akin to cutting his own scrotum.
Regardless time wasn't on our side so we had to adjourn the operation for another day. As luck would have it, we happened to have a game yesterday again so it gave us perfect reason to wind up at Starbucks again. Yep behind the counter there she stood again in all her black n green glory. Sitting downstairs directly in front of the kaunter this time, the cbk and me wasted no time and egged him on.
Alas, the stupid shit suffered from JLS** and we ended up wasting over an hour deciding how to break his legs come sunday. It was like JC all over again, except we weren't donned in awesome colours. Sufficient to say JQ was a stuttering idiot and made no moves to cucuk her. In the end, the cbk just got up and approached her directly which ironically made JQ look even dumber in retrospect.
woohoo!! we finally got her name and convinced her we weren't a bunch of perverted misfits!
i forgot her name already but she's 26, which is surprising since we concluded she was an incoming freshmen awaiting entry to nus. holy bollocks she was even older den me! in fact she even thought we were some poly kids which kinda pissed me off since 1. i'm from ACJC and 2. i'm really not as stupid as i look.
but den again i'm not that surprised...i look exactly the same now as i did in JC so booyalaka!!
shit i almost forgot the entire point of this post and i'll get right on to it..
turns out not only is she 26..she's already got a husband banging her brains out at home. @_@
i wasted a few hours of my life sitting in Starbucks with 2 morons giving lessons in testicle growth only to find out she's married? holy shit i'm gonna slide JQ to handicap land this sunday.
in off tangentism news, my gf who's already part of the working community still gets picked up regularly by hamsum young men on the streets on a fairly regular basis. i really should be jealous but hey if poly kids think my gf's young looking enough for them to lust after, should i really complain?
i am fucking handsome and i love the holidays.
"Jianqiang you fucking HUMJI!!!"
*otherwise known as girlfriend/gf/charbo
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY??
-e|even¹¹-
So the cbk, his dumbass fren jianqiang and myself are enjoying each other's gay ass company at holland v where we inadvertently end up at Starbucks. There's this elegant good looking barista over the counter who naturally catches our prying eyes. Under normal circumstances no sane person would trust the cbk's taste in girls but since I was there to validate his claim, you can safely assume she's fairly hot since we all know i'm the benchmark when it comes to rating members of the opposite sex.
So anyway, being the prepubescent little shits we are, we spent a good few hours accessing her background; her age, where she lives, whether she shaves, if she swallows etc. you know the drill. Naturally the cbk and jianqiang were sent downstairs to buy the beverages while i took charge of making sure i was all comfy. They return with my banana frap and we waste another few hours contemplating how shitty both their lives were. In summary, the girl was deemed too tall for the cbk so the impetus fell on jianqiang to get into her pants.
A little background about jianqiang whom I'll unfortunately refer to as 'JQ' henceforth. He's another soccer regular who gets to bed bizad chicks (figuratively) on a daily basis. For some reason he doesn't eat any form of meat and majority of veggies so he generally just eats shit for nutrition. Additionally, like practically all my friends he's never had a bed buddy* before so understandably getting him to approach the barista is akin to cutting his own scrotum.
Regardless time wasn't on our side so we had to adjourn the operation for another day. As luck would have it, we happened to have a game yesterday again so it gave us perfect reason to wind up at Starbucks again. Yep behind the counter there she stood again in all her black n green glory. Sitting downstairs directly in front of the kaunter this time, the cbk and me wasted no time and egged him on.
Alas, the stupid shit suffered from JLS** and we ended up wasting over an hour deciding how to break his legs come sunday. It was like JC all over again, except we weren't donned in awesome colours. Sufficient to say JQ was a stuttering idiot and made no moves to cucuk her. In the end, the cbk just got up and approached her directly which ironically made JQ look even dumber in retrospect.
woohoo!! we finally got her name and convinced her we weren't a bunch of perverted misfits!
i forgot her name already but she's 26, which is surprising since we concluded she was an incoming freshmen awaiting entry to nus. holy bollocks she was even older den me! in fact she even thought we were some poly kids which kinda pissed me off since 1. i'm from ACJC and 2. i'm really not as stupid as i look.
but den again i'm not that surprised...i look exactly the same now as i did in JC so booyalaka!!
shit i almost forgot the entire point of this post and i'll get right on to it..
turns out not only is she 26..she's already got a husband banging her brains out at home. @_@
i wasted a few hours of my life sitting in Starbucks with 2 morons giving lessons in testicle growth only to find out she's married? holy shit i'm gonna slide JQ to handicap land this sunday.
in off tangentism news, my gf who's already part of the working community still gets picked up regularly by hamsum young men on the streets on a fairly regular basis. i really should be jealous but hey if poly kids think my gf's young looking enough for them to lust after, should i really complain?
i am fucking handsome and i love the holidays.
*otherwise known as girlfriend/gf/charbo
**Jason Leong Syndrome
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY??
-e|even¹¹-
